Lily: Damn it, Ted. I was okay with you e-mailing my aunt, my cousins, and your cousins, and the guy that Robin thought was Neil Young. But my father is the absolute worst person to have around in any sort of medical situation. When I was seven, I needed to have my tonsils out.
[flashback:]
Young Lily: Daddy, I'm scared.
Mickey: Aw, Princess, I would be too. I've researched this surgery. Anything can happen. You could bleed to death... You could have your jaw removed due to infection... And the anesthesia could suddenly just stop working, much like your mom's and my marriage. [laughs] You do know that we're getting a divor... Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it after the surgery.

Ted: Let's get you to the hospital.
Lily: Oh, I can't go yet. I talked to Dr. Sonya. They won't admit me until my contractions are four minutes apart.
Robin: Okay, well, if you don't make it in time, I have got you covered. When I was 13, my father caught me kissing a boy, so he sent me to our family's ranch for foaling season. Once you see a baby horse erupt through that birth canal, you stop even touching yourself. Anyway, I had skinny arms, so I got up there elbow deep. I lost this watch birthing Blacky...
Lily: Okay, stop it. I am not a farm animal. [grunts]
Robin: Oh, there we go. Easy girl. Sugar cube?

Barney: Okay, listen, I am going to get you to that hospital or die trying. And if I succeed, I ask only one thing in return. Let me choose your child's middle name because I have thought of the most awesome name of all time.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I said I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: No, the middle name is wait for it. Let's say the first name is - oh, I don't know - Barney. He'd be Barney Wait for It Eriksen. How awesome is that?
Marshall: That is... the coolest middle name of all time!