Barney: No, I'm thinking of something much more traditional: online dating.
Ted: Yeah. No, thanks.
Barney: Come on, Ted, it's 2012. What do you expect, to meet some cute travel agent when you're readin' a newspaper at a bookstore? None of those things exist anymore.

Marshall: Lily's right. I've been acting crazy.
Barney: Nah, it's okay, bro. I mean, yeah, you've been a little crazy. But it comes from love. It's the same kind of crazy that makes a man offer his stripper girlfriend over half a million dollars of government bailout money not to rub up on other guys' junk. It's good crazy.

Barney: You know, it's funny. You tell the average guy you're dating a stripper, he thinks it's awesome. Heck, you tell your mom, she high-fives you so fast, she doesn't even take off her oven mitts. But if they had any idea
how difficult it is - the jealousy, the insecurity - those high fives would be high fives of condolence.
Ted: Barney, condolence high fives are not a thing.
Barney: They're a thing.
[flashback to Barney at work:]
Barney: I'm afraid we're gonna have to let you go. Up top.