Lily Quote #590
Lily: I thought I was the first girl you ever did anything with.
Marshall: Anything serious. Please don't tell me that you're jealous of me getting to second base in tenth grade with Jenna Cristalli.
Lily: Don't say that whore's name in front of our baby.
Quote from Marshall
Lily: Quinn totally duped Barney, and he couldn't even see it.
Ted: Well, apparently, the sex is mind-blowing.
Marshall: Ha, I've been there. Yeah. I was once with this chick who answered the door wearing nothing but, uh, whipped cream, a dog collar and a hot pink thong.
Lily: Marshall, you can't tell sex stories about "this chick," because everyone knows it's me. I'm the only woman
you've ever been with.
Marshall: It's not fair, the guys are always telling their sex stories and I can top every one of them. Baby, you're like 20 slutty chicks all rolled into one.
Lily: Sweet talk is not going to change my mind.
Quote from Robin
Future Ted: [v.o.] And Robin was staying with her coworker, Patrice.
Patrice: You seem so down today, Robin. I made you cookies.
Robin: Damn it, Patrice, stop smothering me!
Quote from Barney
Barney: I don't understand. Wh... Wait a sec. Ted Evelyn Mosby, you broke The Broath.
Ted: Howdare you?! A Broath is the most sacred bond between... Okay, yeah, I did.
Barney: Are you aware that breaking a Broath can have deadly, even fatal repercussions? Have you studied history, Ted?
Ted: Extensively. But I'm a little shaky on fake history, so...
Barney: The tragic cost of a broken Broath dates back to Ancient Bro-man times...
Barney: Hey, Bro-tus, you'd tell me if, like, a bunch of dudes were conspiring to assassinate me, right?
Ted: Um, totally, Caesar. Paranoid much?
Barney: Just to be sure, can you swear a Broath to me?
Ted: Sure. I swear.
Barney: Thanks. You've always got my back.
[A team of ninjas arrive and attempt to kill Ceasar, but he manages to overpower them]
Barney: Et tu, Bro-te? [throws a ninja star]
Barney: And then he banged, like, a hundred chicks and invented a salad. True story.