Ted Quote #1097
Future Ted: [v.o.] Here's the funny thing. In my own crazy way, I was kind of happy. For the first time in years, there was no little part of me clinging to the dream of being with Robin. Which meant, for the first time in years, the world was wide open. Because, kids... when a door closes, well... you know the rest.
[Ted walks into a sea of women with yellow umbrellas]
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] And Marshall and Lily explained. It all started ten years earlier. They had been looking for a new hobby they could do as a couple.
[flashback to Ted wearing winter sports gear in the apartment with a bored Lily and Marshall:]
Ted: I already missed the beginner's lesson. Maybe I shouldn't even go. Ah, screw it. I've seen the Olympics.
I know what I'm doing. I'm going skiing, bitches! [exits]
Lily: He's gonna break his leg.
Marshall: He's not gonna break his leg.
Lily: 20 bucks says he does.
Marshall: "Lily bets Marshall that Ted will break his leg skiing." [they shake hands]
[12 hours later, Ted's entire upper body is in a cast and he's wearing a neck brace:]
Ted: You would be amazed. People fall off ski lifts all the time. Well, I gotta hit the head.
Lily: Well, he didn't break his leg. [gives Marshall money]
Marshall: Yeah, I gotta say that, um, making money off this bet just makes me feel...
Lily: More alive than you've felt in years?
Lily: New hobby!
Marshall: We need a cash box, some glitter and some glue!
Quote from Lily
Ted: Damn it, Lily, why are you rooting against me?
Lily: I'm not rooting against you.
Ted: Yes, you are.
Lily: No, I'm not.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Yes, she was. You see, at that very moment...
[elsewhere, in Marshall and Lily's house:]
Barney: "Long-term bets"? "Lily bets Marshall that Barney will die by murder", "Marshall bets Lily that Robin will never return the hair dryer", "Lily bets Marshall that Ted'll go bald, "Marshall bets Lily that if Ted goes bald, he'll totally pull it off" My God! They're placing bets on our lives. And I'm sorry, Ted cannot pull off bald. You know Ted.
I'm right about this. [cleaners laugh]
Lily: Ted, I'm your best friend. Why would I root against you?
Barney: "Lily bets Marshall that Ted and Robin won't end up together."
Future Ted: [v.o.] That's why.
Quote from Barney
Lily: I'm going into the city. Just, while I'm gone, don't go snooping around in our stuff. I know you think we have a sex tape hidden somewhere, so I'll save you the trouble. We don't. Good-bye. [rewind]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Here's that moment from Barney's perspective.
Lily: [droning] We have a sex tape hidden somewhere. [droning]
Barney: Challenge accepted.