Ted: Oh, check it out. We worked out a theme song for Puzzles.
Kevin: While I was carrying 100-pound kegs up four flights of stairs? Awesome.
[Ted plays a Cheers-like song on the piano as he and Barney sing:]
Ted: Puzzles is a place where people go To feel like they belong
Barney: Gonna take advantage of dumb drunk girls
Ted: No, we're not. That would be wrong A place where wit and wisdom bloom
Barney: A place to bang chicks in Ted's room
Ted: Not gonna happen.
Barney: We'll talk about it.
Both: At Puzzles, we all fit together
Kevin: And I'm the bartender!

Ted: You'd all be better off coming upstairs to my place for a beer.
Man: Hey, dude. You serious?
Barney: Ted, do you remember a couple years ago, we had the best idea of all time?
[flashback:]
Ted: We should buy a bar.
Barney: Of course! We could buy a bar! The name of our bar? Puzzles. People will be like, "Why is it called Puzzles?" That's the puzzle.
[present:]
Ted: A bar where no one's overcharged, where everyone feels valued and respected.
Barney: A bar... where we get chicks drunk and bang them.
Ted: We're opening Puzzles tonight.
Barney: Of course we're opening Puzzles tonight!
Ted: Aren't you going to ask us why it's called Puzzles?
Doug: Nope.

Marshall: Lily, this is 200 pages of detailed accounts about Bigfoot, ghosts, aliens abducting people from their beds and probing them. I'm going to read it to Baby Eriksen at night-night.
Lily: You really want to read our kid bedtime stories about monsters?
Marshall: First of all, I wouldn't use the "M" word. Only they can call themselves that. And secondly, are you really saying you don't want to raise our child as a believer?
Lily: I don't want to brainwash our child to believe in something with no proof.
Marshall: It's not about proof; it's about faith. Faith is what gives life shape and meaning. I mean, if there aren't yetis or leprechauns, what's the point of even getting up in the morning?
Lily: I don't know. Wife, unborn child, drop a deuce?
Marshall: Lily, don't you think it's a bit narcissistic not to allow for something bigger than us out there? Something whose beauty and power and majesty humbles us?
Lily: God?
Marshall: Werewolves.