Barney Quote #1334
Future Ted: [v.o.] After his parents had gone back to Minnesota, Marshall got the results of his test.
Dr. Stangel: I'm afraid I have some very bad news, Marshall. Judging from the results of your test, it is... It is very unlikely that you'll be able to father a child.
Marshall: Oh, God.
Dr. Stangel: I know, I know.
Marshall: It's just...
Dr. Stangel: Now, in some rare cases, a regimen change can fix the problem, so I'm recommending a spirited cardio routine. Preferably with a partner, involving any light-based firearm activity in the Tri-State area. Poughkeepsie, for example. Have you heard of the gentlemen's sport known as laser tag? [Marshall pulls off Dr. Stangel's beard] Surprise!
Marshall: Damn it, Barney!
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Bad News’ Quotes
Quote from Robin
Ted: Oh, God. What did they find?
Robin: [sighs] Everything.
[The World Wide News employees watch a montage of Robin's most embarrassing moments: "Let's go to the Mall", Robin saying "I'm a dirty, dirty girl" on air, Robin vomiting on air, Robin with horrendous make-up on air, Robin hosting a crazy Japanese news program, Robin's TV commercial for adult incontinence, "Sandcastles in the Sand" music video, Space Teens]
Robin: They even found the video of me getting attacked by an owl.
Ted: You got attacked by an owl?
Robin: I did not get attacked by an owl.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: And so, now, I'm just scared that we won't be able to give you a grandchild.
Marvin Sr.: Aw, Marshall. We don't care about that one bit. And if you guys want kids, there are other ways. Adoption. Maybe you have a good friend who could loan you some sperm?
[Marshall thinks about Ted and Barney]
Marshall: Maybe adoption.
Marvin Sr.: What I'm saying is, we love you no matter what. Now, why don't you pretend you're in high school, get back in that bathroom, and "blow dry your hair".
Marshall: Wait, you knew?
Judy: We didn't have a hair dryer, dear.
Quote from Barney
[flashback to Lily's appointment with Dr. Stangel:]
Dr. Stangel: We'll look at all the factors that contribute to fertility: dietary, environmental, genetic. But first, Ms. Aldrin, do you have any questions for me?
Lily: Just one, "Dr. Stangel". Where'd you get the beard?
Dr. Stangel: Well, m... my mother's Armenian.
[present:]
Marshall: Lily, I've been with Barney since 9:00 a.m. Between the sexual harassment seminar all morning and the secretary beauty pageant all afternoon, he hasn't left my sight.
Lily: Wait, so you weren't wearing a fake beard and examining girl parts all day?
Barney: Not today I wasn't.