Ted Quote #918
Marshall: Hey, hey, hey! You missed it.
Lily: Oh, my goodness.
The Blitz: Our cab took a wrong turn. We were in the Thanksgiving Day parade!
Robin: Tony Bennett passed Ted the mike and he sang "Twist and Shout!"
Barney: But he's The Blitz.
Ted: No. I'm not The Blitz. I'm The Bueller. You know what this means. You're The Blitz.
Quote from Lily
Ted: Guys! I hate Zoey! That means you're supposed to hate her, too! Th- That's your rule, Lily!
Lily: I tried.
Ted: Tried?! Lily, do you have any idea how many people I've blindly hated for you? I hated Renée Zellweger with a burning passion for eight years, only to discover you meant Reese Witherspoon!
Lily: Hey, I will hate her until I get my money back for You, Me and Dupree!
Ted: That's Kate Hudson!
Lily: Oh, yeah. That's who I hate. Guys, we hate Kate Hudson.
Quote from Barney
Ted: All right, it's dead in here. I'm gonna call it a little early.
Barney: What? No! You can't go now. It's the night before Thanksgiving. College chicks are back in town. Their moms just made a snide comment about the weight they gained. They called her a bitch, but deep down, they know she's right. And they're about to walk through that door, where we will be waiting with some light beer and some rock hard approval. Wh-What U-up?
Quote from Intervention
[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.
Quote from We're Not From Here
Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!