Ted Quote #913
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in the fall of 2010, I was hosting my very first Thanksgiving. And I wanted it to be unforgettable.
Ted: Instead of stuffing, I'm going to fill the turkey with... a slightly smaller turkey. It's called a Turturkeykey!
Lily: A Turturkeykey? Mm-hmm.
Barney: Uh-uh, oh-oh.
Robin: Yeah, I was there for the "insertion." He used shoehorns. I'll be having sides.
Quote from Lily
Ted: Guys! I hate Zoey! That means you're supposed to hate her, too! Th- That's your rule, Lily!
Lily: I tried.
Ted: Tried?! Lily, do you have any idea how many people I've blindly hated for you? I hated Renée Zellweger with a burning passion for eight years, only to discover you meant Reese Witherspoon!
Lily: Hey, I will hate her until I get my money back for You, Me and Dupree!
Ted: That's Kate Hudson!
Lily: Oh, yeah. That's who I hate. Guys, we hate Kate Hudson.
Quote from Barney
Ted: All right, it's dead in here. I'm gonna call it a little early.
Barney: What? No! You can't go now. It's the night before Thanksgiving. College chicks are back in town. Their moms just made a snide comment about the weight they gained. They called her a bitch, but deep down, they know she's right. And they're about to walk through that door, where we will be waiting with some light beer and some rock hard approval. Wh-What U-up?
Quote from Barney
[flashback to Lily, Marshall, Barney and Robin at MacLaren's after Ted left:]
Lily: Oh, my God. That's Zoey! That's Ted's enemy. Which means she's our enemy. Let's take this bitch down.
Lily: Huh? Huh? Who's got your back? Now let's have dinner!
Ted: Finish the story, Red.
Lily: Okay, well, we all started brainstorming ways to mess with her. There were a lot of different ideas kicking around.
Barney: And then I'm just going to leave her there... buck-naked, covered in candle wax, tied to the bed.
Marshall: Barney, I know that Ted doesn't like that girl, but that's a little extreme.
Barney: Wait, Ted doesn't like that girl?