TV Quotes

Robin: Hey, guys.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: How do you do that? You are like a bomb-sniffing dog, except with poop. You are a poop-sniffing dog.
Marshall: I think that's just called a dog.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?

Marshall: Oh. Wow. Back already. How was flying solo? And by "solo," I mean so low that you got shot down.
Barney: Look, I didn't get shot down. Trust me, I'll get the yes. Barney Stinson always gets the yes. This is all part of the plan. After initial contact, I'm now in the ignoring phase.
Lily: Barney, why can't you just take a girl out to dinner like a normal person?
Barney: Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get the yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact that sex just doesn't. Call me old-fashioned, but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her.

Marshall: Lily!
Lily: Hey, you know the rules. You misbehave, I take away one of your toys. Aldrin Justice, baby.
Marshall: So you're telling me that that ashtray that's been in our apartment for over a year and a half is not only stolen, but also very expensive.
Lily: Both of those things, yes.

Lily: I decided to go to Minnesota to see Marshall. He shouldn't have to help his mom through this rough time all by himself.
Barney: You losing your mind, being alone in your apartment?
Lily: I'm getting weird! [v.o.] See, it started off with me throwing Marshall's jersey on my body pillow. And, well, things kind of spiraled from there.
[flashback to Lily sitting down for dinner with a pillow wearing Marshall's suit:]
Lily: I'm sorry I yelled like that before.
[present:]
Lily: I call him "Marshpillow." And he calls me... nothing because he's a pillow.