Barney Quote #1227
Quote from Barney in Cleaning House
James: Thank you guys so much for helping us out with this stuff.
Lily: Oh, it gives us a rare insight into the makings of Barney Stinson.
Barney: Hmm.
Lily: Hey, look at this. Who was a cute little basketball player... before he became the biggest pervert in the world?
Barney: I loved pee-wee basketball. Well, until they kicked me off the team. [v.o.] I was so awesome, the coach asked me to quit because it wasn't fair to the other kids.
Marshall: That sounds plausible.
Barney: Hey, it's true. Tell 'em, James.
James: Oh, yeah. He had, like, a four-foot vertical leap. He would hit it from the outside, hit it from the inside.
[Barney leaves] He sucked. Coach cut him from the team, and Mom fed him that story so he'd feel better.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Cleaning House’ Quotes
Quote from Loretta
Loretta: Okay, everyone, lunch is ready. Who wants sloppy joes?
James: Mom, who's Sam Gibbs?
Loretta: [squeals] That doesn't sound familiar. Who wants sloppy joes?
James: There's a picture of me and Barney in an envelope addressed to him. And you wrote "Your son" on the back.
Loretta: Oh, no, that... It says "Yourson." For Yourson, North Dakota. That's where we took the picture. Lovely town. We went kayaking, and you two rescued the mayor's dog, which had wandered into the rapids. Then Mayor Sam Gibbs asked for your pictures so the city could make statues of you both. I guess I never sent it. That's embarrassing. Now, how about those sloppy joes?
James: If this picture was taken in North Dakota, then why is our old swing set in the background?
Loretta: [shouts] I don't know! I did my best as a single parent and it wasn't always easy. And I'd recommend putting the coleslaw right on top of the sloppy joe. Because it's delicious. That's why!
Quote from James
Marshall: Does your mom make stuff like that up a lot?
James: Constantly. I mean, she put more effort into some lies than others.
[flashback to young Barney watching TV:]
Young Barney: Mom, who's my dad? All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine?
Loretta: I don't know. That guy.
[present:]
Robin: Did she tell you that Bob Barker was your dad too?
James: No, no, no. I heard Flip Wilson, Bill Cosby, James Earl Jones, Meadowlark Lemon. The list goes on. I still can't get a straight answer about who my real dad is. And Barney's no help. He still believes every lie that my mom told us growing up. Not me. I caught on early. [to Lily] Careful! Michael Jackson sent me this glove for my 10th... Damn.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Man, I thought I was a light-skinned Caucasian, but in truth I'm a really light-skinned African-American. Man, try to hail a cab in Manhattan. Am I right? Nope. No one's stoppin' for this. These guys don't understand
what I'm talkin' about.