Barney Quote #1237
Quote from Barney in Cleaning House
Loretta: But if you want, I can tell you who your father really is.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And at that moment, Barney suddenly saw his childhood more clearly than he ever had before.
[flashback to young Barney struggling to bounce a basketball in gym as Loretta talks to the coach:]
Coach: I'm sorry, but your son can't be on the team. He's terrible. [exits]
Young Barney: What did Coach say, Ma?
Loretta: He said you're simply too good to be on the team. It's not fair to the other boys. But that's okay. We can just play together in the backyard.
[flashback to Barney's birthday party:]
Young Barney: Why didn't anyone come?
Loretta: Oh, you know what, dear? Apparently there was a mix-up with the mail. I just got this letter from the postmaster general.
Young Barney: "Dear Barney, I sincerely apologize for losing all the invitations you sent out to your eighth birthday party."
[flashback to Loretta, dressed as Santa Claus, putting presents beneath the three as young Barney and James watch]
[present: Barney takes the piece of paper from Loretta and tears it up:]
Loretta: Barney.
Barney: It's okay, Mom. I don't need it.
Loretta: But it's your father.
Barney: I already have a father. And his name... is Loretta.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, your Uncle Barney grew up without a dad, and it always made him feel incomplete. But as he hugged Loretta, surrounded by the boxed-up remnants of his happy childhood he realized he had
one hell of a mom.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Cleaning House’ Quotes
Quote from Loretta
Loretta: Okay, everyone, lunch is ready. Who wants sloppy joes?
James: Mom, who's Sam Gibbs?
Loretta: [squeals] That doesn't sound familiar. Who wants sloppy joes?
James: There's a picture of me and Barney in an envelope addressed to him. And you wrote "Your son" on the back.
Loretta: Oh, no, that... It says "Yourson." For Yourson, North Dakota. That's where we took the picture. Lovely town. We went kayaking, and you two rescued the mayor's dog, which had wandered into the rapids. Then Mayor Sam Gibbs asked for your pictures so the city could make statues of you both. I guess I never sent it. That's embarrassing. Now, how about those sloppy joes?
James: If this picture was taken in North Dakota, then why is our old swing set in the background?
Loretta: [shouts] I don't know! I did my best as a single parent and it wasn't always easy. And I'd recommend putting the coleslaw right on top of the sloppy joe. Because it's delicious. That's why!
Quote from James
Marshall: Does your mom make stuff like that up a lot?
James: Constantly. I mean, she put more effort into some lies than others.
[flashback to young Barney watching TV:]
Young Barney: Mom, who's my dad? All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine?
Loretta: I don't know. That guy.
[present:]
Robin: Did she tell you that Bob Barker was your dad too?
James: No, no, no. I heard Flip Wilson, Bill Cosby, James Earl Jones, Meadowlark Lemon. The list goes on. I still can't get a straight answer about who my real dad is. And Barney's no help. He still believes every lie that my mom told us growing up. Not me. I caught on early. [to Lily] Careful! Michael Jackson sent me this glove for my 10th... Damn.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Man, I thought I was a light-skinned Caucasian, but in truth I'm a really light-skinned African-American. Man, try to hail a cab in Manhattan. Am I right? Nope. No one's stoppin' for this. These guys don't understand
what I'm talkin' about.