Robin: Well, that's true. Not every dude can pull off that blond look.
Ted: I don't know about that.
Robin: What?
Ted: Well, that summer I was lifeguarding at the Chagrin Falls Country Club, I was lathering a little lemon juice
into the old mop, playing with some natural highlights. Let's just say there were a few senior citizens who pretended to drown on my watch. And sadly, one who did.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, up to this point in the story, we had found doppelgangers, eerie but awesome look-alikes, for four of the five members of our little group. There was Lesbian Robin. Mustache Marshall. Stripper Lily. And Mexican Wrestler Me. Yes, mine was the coolest. And so, we were all eager to find the fifth doppelganger, Barney's. Turned out it was more important to some of us than others. And then one day, a few weeks later...
Marshall: Baby, were you serious about the whole fifth doppelganger thing? I mean, having a baby is a pretty big thing to leave up to the universe.
Lily: Yeah, I know it's crazy. It's just so much easier to let the universe decide.Why do you ask?
Marshall: Boom! Universed!
Lily: Oh, my God! Wait, wait, wait, hold on. That could easily be Barney pulling some scam to meet chicks.
Marshall: I'm one step ahead of you.
Barney: [answers phone] Go for Barney.
Marshall: Barney, hey, it's Marshall. So, you are at work? You're not, I don't know, driving a cab, wearing a wig?
Barney: Yes, I'm at work. That's the sound of my stapler. That's the sound of my three-hole punch. And this is the sound of me filing my corporate guidelines n sexual harassment. [shredder] What is up? Gotta go, Big Chief.
Marshall: Barney's at work. That was the fifth doppelganger.
Lily: Marshall Eriksen, put a baby in my belly.

Lily: We're not gonna say anything.
Marshall: What? Why?
Lily: Marshall, if we tell them, we're basically inviting them into the most private, intimate moment of our lives.
[fantasy scene of Lily and Marshall kissing in bed:]
Barney: [enters] You guys banging? [both scream] Keep going. I'm not even here. But just for the record, having a baby, huge mistake. Now show me what you got.
Ted: Uncle Teddy's here! [both scream] Quick question. How are you guys gonna handle the whole Santa thing? I'm thinking, just be honest. Oh, hell. I'll dress up.
Robin: [appearing on TV] "This just in" [both scream] Is what Marshall Eriksen is about to say to his wife as he attempts to impregnate her. Chopper 12 is live on the scene with Baby Watch: 2010. [chopper blades whir]
[reality:]
Marshall: Okay, fine. I won't tell anybody about the baby thing.