Ted Quote #817
Quote from Ted in The Wedding Bride
Future Ted: [v.o.] That night, on my date with Royce, I kept waiting to see what her baggage would be.
Royce: So is spaghetti your specialty?
Ted: No. The main event is my pancakes. I'll make them for you sometime. They are insane.
Royce: My dad used to make multi-grain pancakes. He's the one who got me working in porn. [Ted imagines a giant suitcase reading "Worked in Porn"] You know PORN, Parents Offering Recreation and Nutrition. It's a charity for inner-city teens who don't have access to sports or healthy food. [suitcase is gone] That reminds me, I killed my brother [A suitcase reading "Killed her brother" appears"] with this joke I told him last night. [suitcase is gone] A barber, a stripper and a Jew... [A suitcase reading "Ted, wait for her to finish her sip" appears] ...lliard-trained violinist, walked into a bar.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Wedding Bride’ Quotes
Quote from Ted
Robin: Why would he write a movie about that? Isn't he the bad guy in that story?
Lily: Yeah, and the good guy is a guy named Ted Mosby.
Ted: Funny, that was my memory of it, too. But, according to the movie...
[flashback to Ted and Royce watching The Wedding Bride:]
Secretary: [over intercom] Mr. Mosley, your fiancee is here.
Jed Mosley: Great. The old ball and chain. I can't wait to make her move out of her beautiful house in New Jersey and come live with me in an apartment above a bar. Send her in. Ah, Stella. To what do I owe the pleasure?
Stella: We're supposed to taste wedding cakes this afternoon, remember?
Jed Mosley: Ouch! No-can-do's-ville, babydoll. [puts feet on desk wearing red cowboy boots, falls out of chair] Whoa!
Quote from Marshall
Robin: See, Marshall, this is what I mean. You can't treat New York City like it's the small, friendly, crime-free, inbred, backwoods, Podunk, cow-tipping Minnesota hickville where you grew up.
Marshall: Crime-free? Crime-free? In 1994, the cashier from the feed store was held up at hoe-point.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Whoa! Ted, please tell me you are not impugning emotional baggage.
Ted: Baggage is a good thing?
Barney: Emotional baggage is the bedrock of America's most important cultural export.
All: Porn.
Barney: Actually, it's porn. Only women with major baggage go into porn.
Ted & Robin: [salute] Major baggage.