Ted Quote #809
Ted: Guys, guys, guys, guys, Will Shortz! Editor of the Times crossword! You know how I've been saying, "They always use Ulee from Ulee's Gold because of the vowels"? Well, tell them, Will, tell them.
Will Shortz: Because of the vowels.
Ted: It's because of the vowels!
Marshall: Wow. Ted, can I talk to you just for a second?
Ted: Hey, Will. Ten-letter word for diminutive egg-based torte?
Will Shortz: Mini-quiche? Where?
Ted: Right there.
Quote from Future Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I think I told you how earlier that year we had seen some doppelgangers of ourselves around town. There was Lesbian Robin. There was Mustache Marshall. And, of course, Stripper Lily. Well, that night, one more doppelganger surfaced. Mexican Wrestler Ted.
Quote from Marshall
Peter Bogdanovich: Which is exactly what Truffaut was talking about in his 1954 article in Cahiers du cinema. Film is an auteur's medium, full stop.
Marshall: [laughs] Movies. Right? Actors. Willem Dafoe. Funny thing about Willem Dafoe. Uh, his name kind of sounds like a frog talking to a parrot. [in deep voice] Willem. [in high-pitched voice] Dafoe! [deep] Willem. [high] Dafoe! No?
Quote from Intervention
[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.
Quote from We're Not From Here
Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!