Ted Quote #758

Quote from Ted in Hooked

Robin: No! What did you do?
Ted: I seriously considered just marrying her out of sheer awkwardness. But I did what I had to do. I did what anyone keeping someone on the hook should do. I broke her heart.
[flashback to Ted in Henrietta's apartment after the accidental proposal:]
Ted: Henrietta, I'm sorry if this is blunt, but I think I owe you this. I don't want to be with you.
Henrietta: Right now?
Ted: Ever.
Henrietta: But we're still getting married, right?

Rate

 ‘Hooked’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Ted: What? It's just a job.
Barney: Just a... Just a... Ah! Ted, throughout time, there has always been one cutting-edge profession to which hot girls, like Tiffany, have flocked. Shall I walk you through the history?
Ted: I'm gonna explicitly say no.
Barney: It all started 2.5 million years ago.
[flashback to a cave-man Barney hitting rocks:]
Barney: [v.o.] Man was a hunter. So the hottest profession of the day? Gatherer.
Barney: Homo erectus, indeed. [winks to camera]
[flashback to an injured Barney in a field hospital:]
Barney: [v.o.] As man mastered technology, the hottest profession of the day evolved.
Barney: I'm pretty sure it's a hernia. Can you check again? [winks to camera]
[flashback to Barney seated in first class on an airplane:]
Barney: [v.o.] And then man took to the skies. And so hot women put on high heels and became stewardesses.
Barney: I am in the upright and locked position. [winks to camera]
[present:]
Barney: And then man said, "Life is hard. I should start taking lots of prescription drugs." And so, hot girls rolled into doctors' offices, looking sexy enough to render the very erection pills they peddled ironically redundant. So, now, pharma girls are today's hottest profession.

Quote from Barney

Diana: Hey, Barney, I want you to meet the newest pharma girl.
Gladys: Gladys Reynolds. Nice to make your acquaintance. I represent statins and other cholesterol-lowering drugs.
Diana: Come on, girl. Let's go get our drink on!
Gladys: Okay.
Barney: It's over.
Robin: What's over?
Barney: Pharma girls are no longer exclusively hot chicks. It's the end of an era.
Robin: You're being a little dramatic.
Barney: Am I? It starts out with a Gladys. Next thing you know, a few not-so-fabulous gay guys enter the ranks. And before you know it, pharma girls look like the crew on a Southwest flight from Albuquerque to Little Rock. It's over. [slams the table]

 Ted Mosby Quotes

Quote from Intervention

[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Marshall: Encyclopaedia?
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.

Quote from We're Not From Here

Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!