Lily: Look at all these guys. Oh, the sidewalk's going to smell like pee-pee now.
Robin: Well, we'd better start looking for a new bar.
Barney: What, are you... What... Are you crazy? It is a hot bartender. Do you know how long I have been waiting to land a... My friends, I have been with many women in my day. Lawyers, teachers, poets, doctors, professional equestrians, amateur equestrians, [later] a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker... Yes, we're to the rhyming section now. A math professor, a tax assessor, a weight guesser. [later] A puppeteer, a blackjack dealer, a stay-at-home mom... That's a job, too, guys. A circuit court judge...
Robin: Get to the point!
Barney: I have never, ever scored a hot bartender. Until tonight.

Future Ted: [v.o.] If anyone could fix something like this, it was Barney's personal tailor, TV's Tim Gunn.
Tim Gunn: I'm sorry, Barney. I couldn't make it work.
Barney: [whimpering] So young. There's nothing else you could do?
Tim Gunn: No. But there is another suit that can use the buttons from your suit.
Barney: That can... Like an organ donor?
Tim Gunn: Your suit's death could mean another suit's life.
Barney: Oh, my God. Do it. You're doing the right thing. [crying]
Tim Gunn: Please don't cry on this. It's silk.

Ted: Look, Cindy, I know the university rulebook says we can't date. But it also says, "Don't teach drunk," and I do that all the time. The point is, I like you. I do. You're sweet, you're funny. You're writing a dissertation entitled "Foreign Direct Investment and Inter-generational Linkages in Consumption Behavior." I mean, that is hot. I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like our paths are supposed to cross somehow. And I don't want to miss out
on knowing you.
Cindy: I don't want to miss out on knowing you, either.
Ted: Look, I got to tell you, I mean, just from looking around your room, I can tell we have a ton in common.
Cindy: Really?
Ted: The Unicorns, Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone? I have never met anyone else who has this album.
Cindy: That's my roommate's. I borrowed it.
Ted: Oh. Well, well, what about this? World's End by T.C. Boyle?
Cindy: That was a birthday gift from my roommate. Haven't checked it out yet.
Ted: Oh. Oh, you should. It's a good read. What about this? This is ridiculous. You play bass? Seriously, ask my friends. I always say, " My ideal woman... does not play bass," because this is clearly your roommate's.
Cindy: She's in a band.
Ted: Damn, that's cool.
Cindy: This is unbelievable. You just picked out the only three things in here that are my roommate's.
Ted: So, does your roommate's band ever play shows, or...
Cindy: Get out.