Marshall Quote #592
Ted: Dude, if you don't stop tapping your foot, it's coming off.
Marshall: Oh, my God, Ted, I'm so sorry. Maybe I should move it a little bit closer to your ass!
Quote from Barney
Robin: Look at you two. Smokers. Just like the rest of us.
Barney: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: Post-coital, when I'm with Germans. Sometimes those two overlap. Coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and, of course, wait for it, 'cause Lord knows I have, pregnancy scares.
Ted: Why are you smoking right now?
Barney: I'm always pre-coital, Ted.
Quote from Lily
Ted: Okay, that's it. Let's quit.
Marshall: Let's. Let's do it.
Barney: Well, I am proud of you guys. I have heard how difficult it is for smokers, like yourself, to quit, so, on behalf of non-smokers, I salute you, and I am here to help. So, hand in your cigarettes, and I will get rid of them, one at a time.
Lily: [raspy voice] You're quitting, dollface. I know I don't normally call you "dollface," but it kind of works in this voice. Dollface.
Quote from The Final Page (Part 2)
Marshall: Oh, I forgot the lullaby. Do you know Marvin's lullaby? We sing it to him every night.
[flashback to Marshall playing guitar and singing to Marvin with Lily adding percussion:]
Marshall: Night, night, little Marvin Stars twinkle for you [Lily plays chimes] The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' [Lily blows train whistle] All your dreams will come true And the horsie says, "Good night" [Lily plays wood scraper block] And the birdie says, "Good night" [Lily blows bird whistle] And the elephant says, "Good night" [Lily plays tuba] And the skeleton playing his own rib cage Says, "Good Night" [Lily plays xylophone] And the robot says, "Good night"
Lily: [uses a voice-changing megaphone] Good night.
Man: [o.s.] Enough with the damn music!
Marshall: [singing] And Mr. Nesbit says, "Good night" And the whole world says, "Good night" Take it, Mommy.
[Lily plays the violin]
Quote from Bagpipes
Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.