Barney Quote #1051
Quote from Barney in The Playbook
Marshall: That's not even the worst one in here. Have you guys seen "my penis grants wishes"?
[title card "My Penis Grants Wishes". Barney is dressed like a genie as he talks to a woman at MacLaren's:]
Woman: Really? A genie comes out of it?
Barney: Only if you rub it hard enough.
[Barney winks to camera; present:]
Claire: So, then, what happened?
Barney: It says here he breaks into song, and then the furniture comes to life and dances with him.
Marshall: It's not very well thought out. It's no "Mrs. Stinsfire".
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Playbook’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Barney: To more advanced maneuvers like "the Mrs. Stinsfire."
[flashback to a sorority house:]
Woman: Now kappas, after our disciplinary hearing for lewd behavior last semester, we have been assigned a new housemom. I'd like you to meet Mrs. Stinsfire.
Barney: [high-pitched in a Scottish accent] Hello, girls!
[Barney winks to camera; present:]
Marshall: Wow. I can't picture a way that wouldn't work.
Quote from Barney
Barney: The Playbook contains every scam, con, hustle, hoodwink, gambit, flimflam, stratagem and bamboozle I've ever used, or ever hope to use, to pick up chicks and give them the business.
Quote from Barney
[title card: "The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn":]
Barney: [v.o.] To perform the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, here's what you'll need: basic knowledge of web site design and a very unique fake name. So, think of your fake name right now. Have you got it? Good. Now, select your target. Preferably a girl with a real nice... Phone.
[at MacLaren's, Barney approaches a woman at the bar who is using her phone]
Barney: [sighs] Yeah, it's me.
Shelly: Do I know you?
Barney: I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.
Shelly: Are you, like, famous or something?
Barney: Yes. [chuckles] You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet you...
Shelly: Shelly.
Barney: Shelly. Once again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds, two "t"s. Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Ciao.
Barney: [v.o.] Then, as soon as you're gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that's when she discovers... A series of fake web sites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There's the fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trek to the north pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring the heartbreaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option. And by the time you get back...
Barney: Hi, Shelly, I hate to be forward, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?
Shelly: Yes! Please.
Barney: What does coffee go for these days, $50?
Shelly: Lorenzo.
Barney: [v.o.] And it is on.
[Barney winks to camera]