Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Ted: No.
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.

Future Ted: [v.o.] In the fall of 2009, a new couple had just moved in upstairs.We had not met but you could hear all the time. They were always... Well, kids, let's just say they were always "playing the bagpipes."
Robin: Okay, this is ridiculous. I can't believe those two are still bagpiping.
Ted: I know. It's been six hours. Must be that Tantric bagpiping that Sting is into.
Robin: She keeps yelling out for him to play the bagpipes harder, but it sounds like he's bagpiping her pretty hard. There's a glass of water in my bedroom that's vibrating like Jurassic Park.
Ted: You have neighbors! Shut the bagpipes up!

Barney: Oh, you fight. See, Robin and I never fight.
Ted: Of course you do.
Barney: No. And here's the secret. Every time it looks like we're about to get into a fight...
[flashback to Robin and Barney in his apartment as he eats breakfast:]
Robin: Um, why is there a bag of panties labeled "April 2008" in your closet?
[Barney puts his newspaper down, stands up and walks out of his apartment; present:]
Ted: So any time you think you might have a fight, you just get up and leave?
Barney: 100% effective. Can't fight if you're not there. That's what Gandhi taught us.
Ted: Boy, that's not true.