Marshall Quote #539

Quote from Marshall in The Sexless Innkeeper

Future Ted: [v.o.] It was true. Marshall had become addicted to creating songs and photo montages documenting various mundane events. So for months, all of Marshall's friends and professional colleagues were getting e-mails like this...
[Ted plays a series of video montages from Marshall featuring songs]
Marshall: [singing] Ordered Chinese food today Some moo shu pork sauce got away Flipped the cushion, Now everything's okay.
Marshall: [singing] Cat sitting for Lily's mom, Cat sitting for Lily's mom, It's gonna be fun, It's gonna bring us all closer together. [In one of the pictures, the cat is seen climbing out the window]
Marshall: [singing] Cat funeral, Cat funeral, It was an accident And not entirely my fault, Cat funeral, Meow, meow, meow, meow, Cat funeral, meow, meow, meow, meow. We'll miss you, Whiskers. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow...

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Features in the collection: Songs of How I Met Your Mother.

‘Songs of How I Met Your Mother’

Quote from Marshall in The Final Page (Part 2)

Marshall: Oh, I forgot the lullaby. Do you know Marvin's lullaby? We sing it to him every night.
[flashback to Marshall playing guitar and singing to Marvin with Lily adding percussion:]
Marshall: Night, night, little Marvin Stars twinkle for you [Lily plays chimes] The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' [Lily blows train whistle] All your dreams will come true And the horsie says, "Good night" [Lily plays wood scraper block] And the birdie says, "Good night" [Lily blows bird whistle] And the elephant says, "Good night" [Lily plays tuba] And the skeleton playing his own rib cage Says, "Good Night" [Lily plays xylophone] And the robot says, "Good night"
Lily: [uses a voice-changing megaphone] Good night.
Man: [o.s.] Enough with the damn music!
Marshall: [singing] And Mr. Nesbit says, "Good night" And the whole world says, "Good night" Take it, Mommy.
[Lily plays the violin]

Quote from Robin in Slap Bet

[Robin plays the video:]
Robin Sparkles: I know, how about I sing you a song! [singing] Let's go the mall everybody! Come on, Jessica. Come on, Tori.
Robin: I was a teenage pop star in Canada.
Robin Sparkles: Put on your jelly bracelets And your cool graffiti coat. At the mall, having fun Is what it's all about.
Lily: This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
Marshall: That's you?
Robin: Yes. I had one minor hit. I had to go all over Canada and sing this song in malls. For a whole year I lived off of Orange Juliuses and Wetzel's Pretzels.
Robin Sparkles: Everybody come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, today.
Marshall: This is the 90s. Why does it look like 1986?
Robin: The 80s didn't come to Canada till like '93.

 ‘The Sexless Innkeeper’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Ted: What the hell is "the sexless innkeeper"?
Barney: Ted, many a man - nay, many a soul - has their own tale of the sexless innkeeper. Why, I had run-in with one just last year. I even composed a poem about it. Would you care to hear it?
Ted: Not really.
Barney: T'was the night before New Year's, and the weather grew mean. It was 3:00 in the morning, and I was stranded in Queens. The tavern grew empty, the gas lights grew dim. The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in...
Ted: Wait. If this was last year, why are you acting like it was Oliver Twist?
Barney: Ted, it's a poem. Last call was approaching, and my fortunes looked bleak. Then I turned to my left and stifled a shriek. She had a peach fuzz beard and weighed 16 stone. She gobbled up hot wings and swallowed the bones. I muffled a scream and threw up in my mouth. I asked, "Where do you live?" And she said, "One block south." I swallowed my pride and six shots of whiskey, and prayed to the Gods that she wasn't too frisky. Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack. 'neath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack. But when she returned, she found a sound sleeper. And thus she became the sexless innkeeper.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Hey, Barney. I got a little poem for you. You want to hear it?
Barney: No, not really.
Ted: 'twas the night before, I had hours to kill. I sat in the tavern, grading parchments with quill.
Barney: With quill?
Ted: Barney, it's a poem. A busty, young lassie flashed me a grin. Her garb said "classy," but her eyes whispered "sin." She said, "You're a teacher?" I said, "Yes, indeed." "I must have you," she moaned, "I'm turned on by tweed." With haste we did scamper to my chamber anon. We fell to the couch, and, bro, it was on. I unlaced her bodice. Our passions grew deeper. And thus ends the tale of the sexless innkeeper.
Barney: No way. You made that up.
[A blonde woman comes out of Ted's bedroom]
Woman: Are you coming back bed, professor?

 Marshall Eriksen Quotes

Quote from The Final Page (Part 2)

Marshall: Oh, I forgot the lullaby. Do you know Marvin's lullaby? We sing it to him every night.
[flashback to Marshall playing guitar and singing to Marvin with Lily adding percussion:]
Marshall: Night, night, little Marvin Stars twinkle for you [Lily plays chimes] The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' [Lily blows train whistle] All your dreams will come true And the horsie says, "Good night" [Lily plays wood scraper block] And the birdie says, "Good night" [Lily blows bird whistle] And the elephant says, "Good night" [Lily plays tuba] And the skeleton playing his own rib cage Says, "Good Night" [Lily plays xylophone] And the robot says, "Good night"
Lily: [uses a voice-changing megaphone] Good night.
Man: [o.s.] Enough with the damn music!
Marshall: [singing] And Mr. Nesbit says, "Good night" And the whole world says, "Good night" Take it, Mommy.
[Lily plays the violin]

Quote from Bagpipes

Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Ted: No.
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.