Barney Quote #973
Marshall: Barney, why are we here?
Barney: Marshall, now that Robin and I are together, I've learned a lot about relationships by watching you and Lily.
Marshall: Thanks, man.
Barney: You're a terrible couple. Lily has taken all the man out of you. I used to think that's just every relationship. But what I've got with Robin proves that you can have a girlfriend and fully functioning male genitalia all at the same time.
Marshall: Okay, right. So, if Robin knew that you were here, she would be completely fine with it?
Barney: Are you kidding? She'd sprint down here with a purse full of singles and a poncho for the 10:30 Jell-O show. BT-Dub, I called ahead it's lime.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Lily, sometimes I think about other women. Okay, it happens. But even when I do, I feel so guilty that I have to imagine you... passing away first. Because even in a fantasy world, I could never cheat on you. You're... You're just my life, baby. And I love you.
Lily: You kill me off?! I mean, fantasize about other girls all you want, but could you maybe not murder me?
Marshall: Murder? No! Baby, no. You develop a chronic illness. I spare no expense for your care. I even stand up a foundation in your name. We're, like, this close to a cure.
Quote from Future Ted
Barney: You will not believe who we saw tonight.
Marshall: Dude, um...
Barney: We saw the third doppelganger!
Future Ted: [v.o.] I should explain. Over the years we had spotted two strangers who looked exactly like members of our group.
[flashback to the group walking down the street:]
Barney: Hey, hey, hey, hey! [points to a short-haired woman wearing a flannel shirt and a baseball mitt]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Lesbian Robin.
[flashback to the group, minus Robin, outside a theater where they see an advertisement on a bus for a Mexican television show, "Senor Justicia":]
Future Ted: [v.o.] And Mustache Marshall. By the following summer, we would find the remaining two doppelgangers. But I'll get to that.
Quote from Barney
Marshall: Hey, do you think they'll have Wookiee to English dictionaries there? I mean, even just an everyday phrase book would be helpful.
Barney: We're not going to the "Origins of Chewbacca" exhibit, Marshall. It's in Houston this year. Everyone knows that. I just wanted to get rid of the girls.
Marshall: Where are you taking me, Barney?