Barney Quote #957
Barney: Tracey, Tracey, tell Lily what you just told me.
Tracey: That I just moved to New York?
Barney: No, no, but tell her how you got here.
Tracey: I just got off the bus from Iowa.
Barney: Just got off the bus from Iowa! How lucky is it that an aspiring dancer just off the bus from Iowa runs into the producer of the Rockettes?
Tracey: I feel like I'm in one of those classic show biz stories.
Lily: Oh, honey, you are. You really are.
Barney: Hey, Tracey, why don't you make me one of those rum and beers that your dad loves so much?
Tracey: Sure thing!
Quote from Lily
Lily: Why do you even want it?
Ted: Because I have to be an architect. That's... That's the plan.
Lily: Screw the plan. I planned on being a famous artist. Marshall planned on being an environmental lawyer. Robin planned on being a TV reporter.
Robin: Uh, I am a TV reporter. I'm on every morning at 4:00 a.m.
Lily: Is that still on? Huh. Good for you.
Robin: Somebody watch it, please.
Lily: Barney planned on being a violinist.
Lily: Don't tell me things. Look, you can't design your life like a building. It doesn't work that way. You just have to live it, and it will design itself.
Ted: So, what, I should just do nothing?
Lily: No, listen to what the world is telling you to do and take the leap.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Hey, Ted, whatcha doing?
Ted: Designing a building shaped like a hat.
Barney: Now a good time to chat?
Barney: So, what do you think of Robin?
Ted: Barney, I really need to get to work, so...
Barney: Great. Say you and I went suit-shopping, and you happened upon a beautiful suit, a beautiful Canadian suit. Double-breasted. Hmm. You try it on, but it's not exactly the right fit for you. So, you put it back. Then I try it on. I don't really want to take the same suit that you had your eye on, but at the same time, I really like that suit.
Ted: Buy the suit, Barney. You clearly care about it. Tell the suit how you feel.
Barney: Okay. But Ted, remember that that was your answer because... The suit is Robin. [imitates explosion] I know! Right?
Ted: I'm with you, buddy.
Barney: You are now. Because I explained it to you. [hugs Ted]
Quote from How I Met Everyone Else
Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.
Quote from The Three Days Rule
Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.