Lily Quote #345

Quote from Lily in As Fast As She Can

Ted: Hey, Lily, you're back!
Lily: Barney, when you told me that peanut butter and jam joke, I was completely disgusted. But I was in the shower this morning and it popped into my head and it actually made me laugh. Peanut butter. So I can see now how I may have overreacted. Marshall's words, not mine.
Barney: Well, it's good to see you again, Lily.
Lily: Thanks. So what have you been up to?
Barney: I'm going to an amnesia ward with a bunch of photos of my children and a wedding ring. I'm gonna find the hottest patient/my wife, and we are going...
Lily: Okay, so that's good enough for tonight. I gotta ease back into this. See you tomorrow.

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 ‘As Fast As She Can’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Barney: You think I can't talk my way out of a ticket? You think I can't talk my way out of a ticket? I am Barney Stinson, master of manipulation. If I can talk a stripper into paying me for a lap dance, I think I can talk my way
out of a ticket. Challenge accept... wait for it.
[Barney points to Ted. Marshall and Robin laugh.]
Ted: I don't get it. [Barney gives a "think about" gesture] Oh, Ted. "Accep-Ted." I get it now.

Quote from Marshall

Barney: Okay, new topic. I just got a $200 speeding ticket today.
Marshall: Oh, that sucks, dude. You couldn't talk your way out of it?
Barney: You can't talk your way out of a ticket.
Marshall: I've done it. It was... what was it? It was 1998.
[flashback to a police officer writing Marshall a ticket in Minnesota in 1998:]
Police Officer: So where's the fire?
Marshall: There's no fire. Actually, you know, there is a fire at this barbecue I'm headed to. Nothing special.
Burgers, ribs... brats.
Police Officer: Son, do you have any idea how dangerous it is to be... Did you say brats?
Marshall: Yeah, brats. My mom marinates them in Belgian beer for two days. No big. Funny thing was, I could've sworn that one of those thick, succulent, hickory-smoked brats had some writing on it. Weird. Anyways, what were you saying?
Police Officer: Well, what did it say? The brat?
Marshall: It said "Property of Minnesota State Trooper Jorgensen." You a brat man, Officer Jorgensen?
Police Officer: You going to this address?
Marshall: Uh-huh.
Police Officer: Follow me and lean on the horn. We're gonna be running some reds.
[present:]
Barney: Well, duh. I would've done that, too, if I'd have been going to a barbecue. Damn, I was.

 Lily Aldrin Quotes

Quote from Unfinished

Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: Excuse me?
Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: There's no poop.
Lily: Where's the poop?

Quote from The Ashtray

Marshall: Lily!
Lily: Hey, you know the rules. You misbehave, I take away one of your toys. Aldrin Justice, baby.
Marshall: So you're telling me that that ashtray that's been in our apartment for over a year and a half is not only stolen, but also very expensive.
Lily: Both of those things, yes.