Ted: Yeah, whatever. I'm adding laser tag to the Murtaugh List.
Barney: Jeez, not the Murtaugh List.
Robin: What's the Murtaugh List?
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Murtaugh List is something that came into being around the time I turned 30. It all started with your Uncle Marshall's beer bong. When we were in our early 20s, every time we had a party, that beer bong came out. And around the time we turned 30, same thing. Of course, in our early 20s, the next day would go like this.
[flashback to Ted and Marshall playing around in their underwear]
Future Ted: But by the time we were 30, the next day would go like this.
[Ted on the couch with a sick bucket]
Future Ted: Then one day, in the throes of the worst hangover of my life, I realized there was only one person in the world that I could relate to: Detective Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover in the '80s noir masterpiece Lethal Weapon, known for his oft-quoted catchphrase:
Murtaugh: I'm too old for this...
Future Ted: "Stuff." He said, "I'm too old for this stuff."

Marshall: By the way, how good is Lethal Weapon?
Robin: I don't know. It's kind of a rip-off. Old guy paired up with a young renegade cop. Sound familiar? McElroy and LaFleur. Don't tell me you guys have never seen McElroy and LaFleur. It's the greatest Canadian action movie of all time. McElroy is a young, renegade Mountie whose horse was just killed by evil Americans, while LaFleur, his grouchy, old, African-Canadian partner, just bought a cozy ice fishing shack in northern Alberta...

McCracken: Stinson, my office! Now!
Barney: Crap.
[in McCracken's office:]
McCracken: Disorderly game play, three counts of shoving, and now this! Stinson, you're a liability!
Barney: I know, I don't play by your precious rules, McCracken, but, damn it, I get results!
McCracken: Look, you're a good laser tag player. Maybe the best I've ever seen. But one of these days, you're gonna get someone hurt. Maybe even yourself.
Barney: You just forget what it's like out there. You've had your fat ass stuck behind that desk for too long.
McCracken: That's it! You're out of here, Stinson! Hand in your gun and your ID badge!
Barney: With pleasure. [slams badge and gun down, heads towards the door] Please don't do this.This game is all I got. And I've almost got enough tickets for the remote control helicopter. Please.
McCracken: I can't believe I'm doing this. But I'm gonna give you one last shot. But so help me, if you so much as step one toe out of line, you're gonna be playing Duck Hunt in your mama's basement so fast, it's gonna make your head spin. Now, get out of here!
Barney: You won't regret this.
[later:]
McCracken: That's it, Stinson. You're banned for life!
Barney: No!