Ted Quote #587

Quote from Ted in Murtaugh

Robin: I must say, there's something admirable about the way Barney wants to stay young at heart. I mean, who wants to get old?
Ted: This guy. Robin, life is a meal and old age is the dessert. I spend so much of my time worrying about the future. Where's my career going? Who am I gonna marry? But when you're old, you don't worry, 'cause all that stuff's already happened. Plus, you get to wear comfy shoes and a chair takes you up and down the stairs, it's perfect.
Robin: That's not perfect. That's pathetic. You can't just jump to the end. The journey is the best part.
Ted: Oh, Robin, I used to feel that way, too, but you'll understand when you're a little bit older.

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 ‘Murtaugh’ Quotes

Quote from Future Ted

Ted: Yeah, whatever. I'm adding laser tag to the Murtaugh List.
Barney: Jeez, not the Murtaugh List.
Robin: What's the Murtaugh List?
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Murtaugh List is something that came into being around the time I turned 30. It all started with your Uncle Marshall's beer bong. When we were in our early 20s, every time we had a party, that beer bong came out. And around the time we turned 30, same thing. Of course, in our early 20s, the next day would go like this.
[flashback to Ted and Marshall playing around in their underwear]
Future Ted: But by the time we were 30, the next day would go like this.
[Ted on the couch with a sick bucket]
Future Ted: Then one day, in the throes of the worst hangover of my life, I realized there was only one person in the world that I could relate to: Detective Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover in the '80s noir masterpiece Lethal Weapon, known for his oft-quoted catchphrase:
Murtaugh: I'm too old for this...
Future Ted: "Stuff." He said, "I'm too old for this stuff."

Quote from Robin

Marshall: By the way, how good is Lethal Weapon?
Robin: I don't know. It's kind of a rip-off. Old guy paired up with a young renegade cop. Sound familiar? McElroy and LaFleur. Don't tell me you guys have never seen McElroy and LaFleur. It's the greatest Canadian action movie of all time. McElroy is a young, renegade Mountie whose horse was just killed by evil Americans, while LaFleur, his grouchy, old, African-Canadian partner, just bought a cozy ice fishing shack in northern Alberta...

 Ted Mosby Quotes

Quote from Intervention

[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Marshall: Encyclopaedia?
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.

Quote from We're Not From Here

Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!