Ted Quote #538
Ted: You know, when I asked you to be my roommate, I figured, "She's a girl, she'll be neat." But no, you're Ogre
from Revenge of the Nerds.
Robin: You know what, Ted? Instead of coming up with hot off the press topical references like that, maybe you should spend a little time, I don't know, uh, washing a dish ever.
Ted: Oh, darn, I can't. I'm too busy leaving a plate of cookies for the magical elf who changes the toilet paper roll. Oh, wait, there's no elf. It's always me!
Robin: I always change it. You never do it!
Ted: That is ridiculous!
Robin: No, I went in there yesterday...
Ted: I changed it the last five times.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Benefits’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Ted: Oh, like Barney's theory about world peace?
[flashback to Barney talking to Ted at MacLaren's:]
Barney: So I explained to her. I said, Madeline, every single international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension.
Ted: Every international conflict?
Barney: Every single one, dude.
Ted: So the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by...
Barney: Gaza Strippers. Next.
Ted: Apartheid?
Barney: Apart thighs. What else you got?
Ted: Cold War?
Barney: "Mrs. Gorbachev, take down those pants."
Quote from Barney
Ted: Sorry I'm late. I was just jammin' on Scherbatsky. She used up all my stamps, so long story short, the postman rang twice. You must bump this!
Barney: That's... just... so... Excuse me for a second.
[later, Barney finds the dumpster behind MacLaren's is empty. He goes to an electronics store]
Barney: So, you're saying plasmas are better for low light, but LCDs are better for games?
Clerk: Right, but the CRTs have the truest blacks.
Barney: So, if I want a really crisp contrast ratio...
Clerk: The CRT's deep-pixel cell structure produces a resolution you just can't match with an LCD.
Barney: Oh, I'll take the CRT.
[later, Barney smashes the TV in the alley behind MacLaren's]
Quote from Barney
Marshall: Nobody likes to read a magazine at work and if they say that they do, then they're not human.
Barney: Dude, I read a magazine at work every day. I can't tell you how many meetings I've been late to because I was busy "reading a magazine." But I don't feel bad about it. That's my time. Sure, "reading a magazine" ain't pretty, but, you know, it's something I gotta do. So why be ashamed about it? Wait, "reading a magazine" means masturbating, right?