Barney Quote #790
Ted: Okay. We have to start going someplace else. At this bar, I'm always going to be the guy who got left at
Marshall: This sucks.
Barney: Good times.
Ted: Uh-oh. We lost Barney.
Robin: What do you mean?
Lily: There's a girl over there in a tight red sweater. So he's not listening to a word anyone's saying. Right, Barney?
Barney: Give me a break!
Ted: See, he figured out a while back he could fake an entire conversation just by saying titles of black sitcoms
from the '70s and '80s.
Barney: What's happening?
Lily: Hey, Barney, want to go upstairs and do stuff to me that I won't even let Marshall do?
Barney: Ha. Different strokes.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Dude, fighting is for losers. We're civilized guys. Civilized guys don't fight. Unless it's with lightsabers. But that's like three to five years away, so...
Robin: Well, that's not true.
Marshall: Robin, I'm on the forums every day. Three to five Thanksgivings from now, I'm going to be carving
the turkey with Old Green.
Quote from Marshall
[Thanksgiving day, three to five years later:]
Marshall: It is so good to be home. Mom, Lily, fantastic job. "Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat." Right? Okay, here we go. Goggles on. [Marshall powers up a lightsaber] All right, so, you guys pass the plates. Lily, you want white or dark meat?
Lily: Dark! Honey, please be careful.
Quote from How I Met Everyone Else
Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.
Quote from The Three Days Rule
Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.