Ted: Come on, Lily, he'll find a job eventually.
Barney: You know, Lil, when times are tough, I like to remember the uplifting words of my favorite song. [sings] "We'll be on your side when you need a friend. Through thick and thin you can always depend. On the world leaders in credit and banking. Goliath National Bank." Member FDIC.

Marshall: This isn't it.
All: What?
Marshall: It's not it.
Ted: Marshall, you might not want to hear this, but... Is it at all possible this is the same burger you had eight years ago, only it could never live up to your ridiculously high expectations?
Robin: I mean, it is just a burger.
Marshall: Just a burger? [snorts] Just a burger? Robin, it's so much more than just a burger. I mean, that first bite... Oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame-freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below. Flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. And then, a pickle - the most playful little pickle - and then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce, and a... a patty... of ground beef, so... exquisite... swirling in your mouth, breaking apart and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savories so... delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread. This is God... speaking to us through food.
Lily: And you got our wedding vows off the Internet?

Future Ted: [v.o.] When I first moved to New York, it was dingy, disgusting, ugly, flea-ridden, stinky and altogether terrifying, but then, sadly, the whole city started to go uphill. The streets got a little cleaner, the rents got a little higher, and one by one, the crappy old places we loved began to disappear. The Elbow Room, an old punk rock club, became a drugstore. McHale's, a working-class watering hole, became a fast-food place. And Fez, a Moroccan-themed lounge, became a bank. And not just any bank.