Marshall Quote #375

Quote from Marshall in Miracles

[Flashback to Marshall begging for his job back after just visiting Lily's classroom:]
Marshall: [inner monologue] Oh, my God! I have lice. Those little bastards gave me lice. God, it itches. Don't scratch it. You'll look like a fool. You'll never get your job back. Okay, you can scratch, but just make it subtle. Okay, that's not working. Oh, sweet, sharp corner of the desk, how I long to rub my infested scalp against you. [throws pen on the floor, rubs his head against the desk] I was, um... just, uh...
Mr. Hewitt: You okay, Eriksen?
Marshall: Oh! Oh, yes, I'm good. I am good. Continue. [inner monologue] Mind over matter. There are no lice in my hair... laying eggs, burrowing into my scalp, eating their way all the way down to my brain! [out loud] I have lice!
Mr. Hewitt: "Lice"?! Lice! Get out! Get out of my office! [over the intercom] We've got lice! Everybody out of the building.
Marshall: If it weren't for the lice, I would have gotten my job back, and I would have been working there when, two weeks later, the Securities and Exchange Commission came a-knocking. God sent those lice to my head like he sent the locusts to Egypt: to liberate me from corporate bondage. Miracle.


 ‘Miracles’ Quotes

Quote from Robin

Robin: Ugh, man, I love Springsteen! He's like the American Bryan Adams.

Quote from Barney

Barney: I had to look away because if I watched what the paramedics were about to do, I would have passed out. Then they took out this electric blade thing and I kept thinking, "This isn't happening. This isn't happening. "
Lily: Oh, my God. What did they cut?
Barney: My suit. My beautiful suit.

 Marshall Eriksen Quotes

Quote from The Final Page (Part 2)

Marshall: Oh, I forgot the lullaby. Do you know Marvin's lullaby? We sing it to him every night.
[flashback to Marshall playing guitar and singing to Marvin with Lily adding percussion:]
Marshall: Night, night, little Marvin Stars twinkle for you [Lily plays chimes] The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' [Lily blows train whistle] All your dreams will come true And the horsie says, "Good night" [Lily plays wood scraper block] And the birdie says, "Good night" [Lily blows bird whistle] And the elephant says, "Good night" [Lily plays tuba] And the skeleton playing his own rib cage Says, "Good Night" [Lily plays xylophone] And the robot says, "Good night"
Lily: [uses a voice-changing megaphone] Good night.
Man: [o.s.] Enough with the damn music!
Marshall: [singing] And Mr. Nesbit says, "Good night" And the whole world says, "Good night" Take it, Mommy.
[Lily plays the violin]

Quote from Bagpipes

Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Ted: No.
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.