Barney Quote #688

Quote from Barney in Miracles

[Barney is laying in a hospital bed with a broken arm, broken leg and broken neck:]
Ted: Dude, I... I can't believe you ran all the way up here.
Barney: Jeez. Flatter yourself much? [chuckles] What an ego on this guy. Um, I was up in this part of town because I had to attend a very important international business meeting. If you're here to come crawling back, just save it. I'm doing awesome without you. Even better now, 'cause I can play the sympathy card with the females. And B.T.W., there's one bone downstairs that ain't broken. Marshall, you know what I'm talking about. Up top! [wiggles the fingers in his broken hand] Hup!
Marshall: Are you sure?
Barney: Yeah, dude. Why do you think I had them set it this way?
Marshall: Okay. [high-fives Barney]
Barney: [groans] Ow! Worth it.

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 ‘Miracles’ Quotes

Quote from Robin

Robin: Ugh, man, I love Springsteen! He's like the American Bryan Adams.

Quote from Barney

Barney: I had to look away because if I watched what the paramedics were about to do, I would have passed out. Then they took out this electric blade thing and I kept thinking, "This isn't happening. This isn't happening. "
Lily: Oh, my God. What did they cut?
Barney: My suit. My beautiful suit.

 Barney Stinson Quotes

Quote from How I Met Everyone Else

Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.

Quote from The Three Days Rule

Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Barney: Jesus.
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.