Ted Quote #363
Future Ted: [v.o.] Back when we were dating, Robin and I had this running joke. We were the only two people in the world who found it funny.
Barney: No way! March does not have 31 days.
Marshall: Yes, it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge.
Ted & Robin: [salute] General knowledge.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And we did it all the time.
Quote from Ted
Lily: Isn't it sad? I mean in 2007, some countries actually still condone corporal punishment.
Ted & Robin: [salute] Corporal punishment.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Because once you start, it's surprisingly hard to stop.
Marshall: Oh, man, I got a kernel stuck in my teeth.
Ted & Robin: [salute] Colonel stuck-in-my-teeth.
Marshall: Please stop!
Barney: I hate you!
Lily: You're killing me!
Quote from Intervention
[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.
Quote from We're Not From Here
Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!