Barney Quote #501
Quote from Barney in I'm Not That Guy
[flashback to Marshall in Jefferson Coatsworth's office:]
Jefferson: Marshall, why don't you want to work at Nicholson, Hewitt and West?
Marshall: Right, um, okay, Jeff, I've actually given this a lot of thought...
Jeff: I'm sorry. Stop. I can't do this with a straight face. You don't want to work here. You're only here 'cause your dad went to high school with Joe Hewitt. Fact is, you just got a sweet job at the NRDC. And it's awesome. Man, I could have gone the non-profit route. I didn't. And it eats me up inside every day. I hate myself. I hate myself.
[back to the gang at MacLaren's:]
Barney: Oh, he is good. Classic seduction technique.
Marshall: What do you mean?
Barney: Oh, I use it all the time. First I buy her, and by her I mean youm a drink. Now, I'm the guy who gets her what she wants. Then I pretend to care about whatever idiotic thing she cares about. For you, that would be the environment. [puzzled expression] Now, I'm the great guy who shares her interests. And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment, shouting "Oh, oh, Barney!" And by you, I mean her.
Marshall: He is not trying to seduce me. He didn't even offer me the job.
Barney: That comes later. At dinner. He did invite you to dinner, didn't he?
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘I'm Not That Guy’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Ted: Dude, come on, let's just find Bizarro me and get out of here.
Barney: Oh, oh, I get it. Ted Mosby, non-porn star, thinks this is all crude and disgusting. You know who else was considered crude and disgusting? Shakespeare. But his themes, love, lust, forbidden desire, were universal, which is why his work has stood the test of time. And so will all this. Four hundred years from now, some high school drama class will be doing a plucky, spirited production of Beef Party VII.
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] It was a quiet November afternoon in 2007. I was working from home, because, you know, no distractions.
[Barney rushes into the apartment at the same time Marshall comes out of his bedroom]
Barney: This is incredible!
Marshall: Oh, my God! I can't believe it!
Barney: I have big news!
Marshall: Oh, my God!
Barney: Okay. My thing's pretty huge. But fine, you can go first.
Marshall: Okay, I just found out...
Barney: I just find a porno starring Ted Mosby!
Quote from Ted
Ted: What are you... What you're talking about?
Barney: I'm talking about "Welcome to the Sex Plane", and look who plays the navigator, Ted Mosby.
Ted: Oh, it's the same exact spelling as my name.
Marshall: Okay, you know, cute coincidence, Barney. Whatever. I just got on the phone with the NR...
Ted: Oh my God. This totally explains the thing at my doctor's the other day.
[flashback to Ted at a doctor's office:]
Doctor: Open wide. I guess you're more used to saying that hearing it, huh, Ted Mosby? [laughs]
[back:]
Ted: Who is this guy? And why my doctor watching porn?