Barney Quote #472

Quote from Barney in Third Wheel

Marshall: Why would you do that to yourself?
Barney: Because you get up in your head, man. Start thinking, I can't do this. It's two women. That's two of everything, four of some things. The logistics alone are enough to cripple even a pro like me.
Ted: See? If a complete degenerate like Barney choked, what chance do I have?
Barney: The best chance in the world. Fear took the belt from me. Fear rode the tricycle that night, my friends. But fear will not get a second turn.
Ted: It won't?
Barney: No, because I now realize it isn't my destiny to win the belt. It is my destiny to help my friend win it. Ted is fated to go there first. He is our Neil Armstrong. [laughs] Space-suit-up, Ted, 'cause you're going to the moon.

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Features in the collection: Barney Stinson: Suit Up.

‘Barney Stinson: Suit Up’

Quote from Barney in Monday Night Football

Barney: [enters, on the phone] Seriously, that's the last time I'm gonna call you today. Okay. Good-bye. You didn't hang up either! I know! You hang up! You hang up! My bookie. Great guy.
Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted: Virtually.
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Ted: "Sartorial"?
Barney: "Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade." Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it buck naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?!
[Barney holds his hand up for a high-five. A giggling Marshall is the only one to accept]

Quote from Barney in Drumroll, Please

Barney: Ted, oh my gosh, I love this moment. You know why? Because I'm gonna say it and this time you're actually gonna say yes. You ready? You ready to say yes? Ted, suit up!
Ted: Yes! No.
Barney: Oh, come on!

 ‘Third Wheel’ Quotes

Quote from Marshall

[Flashback to less than half an hour ago, as Barney and Marshall play Wii Sports in the apartment:]
Marshall: Yes, advantage Eriksen.
Barney: Don't get cocky. Wimbledon lasts a fortnight.
Marshall: Fortnight. British words are so cool. Plus, did you know lawyers there get to wear wigs? I wear a wig to work, I'm a jackass.

Quote from Barney

Ted: All right, I'm ready, let's hit it.
Marshall: Can't go. Tournament.
Ted: What? We agreed, I suited up.
Barney: You take too long to get ready.
Ted: What are you talking about? I got the low-maintenance, just-rolled-out-of-bed look.
Marshall: Yeah, which takes an hour and a half of waxing, tugging and teasing to achieve.
Barney: And then he starts on his hair. Ace.

 Barney Stinson Quotes

Quote from How I Met Everyone Else

Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.

Quote from The Three Days Rule

Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Barney: Jesus.
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.