Marshall: This is by far the drunkest I've ever seen you. Uh, driver.
Ranjit: Hello!
Marshall: Ranjit! Hey, can we make a stop before we head back to the hotel?
Ranjit: You do not have to stop. You can be together as man and wife right back there, and because we are friend I will not watch.

Barney: Oh, my God. You guys broke up. You guys broke up. I can't believe it.
Ted: Barney, story's not over.
[flashback to the restaurant:]
Robin: Can we please not talk about this here. Can we go home?
Ted: Yeah, of course. Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry about this. Can we actually...
Waiter: Oh, my God, it's you.
Ted: Wha... What?
Waiter: You're the son of a bitch who stole our blue French horn.
Ted: Run!

D.J.: Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever Mr. and Marshall Eriksen and Lily Aldrin.
Lily: Does it make you kind of sad that we don't share the same last name?
Marshall: You know, in a totally evolved 21st-century kind of way yeah, a little.
Lily: You know what we should do? We should come up with a whole new last name.
Marshall: Oh, that's easy. Lily and Marshall Skywalker.
Lily: Lily and Marshall Hasselhoff.
Marshall: I got it. You ready? You ready?
Lily: Yeah.
Marshall: Lily and Marshall Awesome. Have you met the Awesomes? Marshall, Lily, their son, Totally and their daughter, Freakin'?
Lily: I love you, Mr. Awesome.
Marshall: I love you, Mrs. Awesome.