Barney Quote #383
Quote from Barney in Bachelor Party
Future Ted: [v.o.] It took me a while to figure out but the key to understanding your Uncle Barney is this. When times are hard, it's impossible to keep him around. Like when your aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were broken up.
Barney: Hey. What are you guys talking about?
Marshall: [sobbing] Lily.
Barney: I got to go.
Future Ted: But when times are good, it's impossible to get rid of him.
Barney: What are you guys doing?
Ted: We just finished planning Marshall's bachelor party.
Barney: Good, you haven't started yet. Let's talk logistics. Now, have you laid out ground rules with Lily? Where you are or aren't allowed to touch or be touched? Show me on Ted.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Bachelor Party’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: That same night, aunt Lily was having a wedding shower. And Robin showed up gift in hand. Funny story about that gift.
Robin: Hey, Barney, check out what I got Lily for her shower. It's kind of racy. Think you can handle it?
Barney: Uh, I've been in a ten-way. So, yeah.
Robin: It's kind of see-through.
Barney: Whoa, ho ho! You weren't kidding! You know when you should give that to her? 1850. Robin, it's her bridal shower! All her friends are gonna be there, they're going to be drinking. You need to get her something daring, something outrageous.
Robin: Well, what do you think I should get her?
Barney: There's a store on Eighth Avenue that specializes in... How to put this delicately? Uh, battery-powered, adult-recreational fake penises.
Future Ted: And so Aunt Robin went to a store on Eighth Avenue, and a battery-powered, adult-recreational... Well, it was something inappropriate. And we're back in.
Quote from Future Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] So, when the day arrived, we all climbed into a rented Escalade and set out. Now, every bachelor party is usually made up of the same stock characters. You've got the groom, the best man, the guy who speaks only in clichés...
Stuart: Dead man walking!
Future Ted: ...the guy who disappears at the beginning of the night and doesn't show up again until the end.
Brad: All right, who's up for a little blackjack before we check in.
Barney: No, no, no.
Marshall: None for me.
Ted: See you guys back at the room, then.
Future Ted: And, of course, well... Barney. Every bachelor party has a Barney.
Quote from Robin
Lily: Oh. And this one's from... Grandma Lois.
Grandma Lois: Oh. No, wait, darling. Before you open this, I-I want to say a few words.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Okay, something you need to know. Grandma Lois thought she was giving her granddaughter an antique sewing machine. And we're back in.
Grandma Lois: Honey, this handy little device has been in our family for generations. I used it, your great grandmother used it. Now, her mother didn't use this one, but she used one just like it. Of course, back then, they were made out of wood. And, uh, I guess before that, you just had to do it by hand.
Janice: Would you pass the wine, please?
Robin: No.