Ted: I don't have any other shoes because you stole them along with everything else I own in the world. Where's the truck, Barney?
Barney: Barney. People's whose trucks I'm not holding for ransom call me Barney. I think you should call me The Commodore.
Ted: I'm not calling you...
Barney: You're not getting your stuff back.
Ted: Can I please have my stuff back, The Commodore?
Barney: [chuckles] No. Here's the deal, Ted, you're my bro. And you're about to become a henpecked, beaten down, shell of a man. So tonight, we are going to have one last awesome night together as bros. It's a bro-ing away party. A special bro-casion. A bro-choice rally. Bro-time at the Apollo.
Ted: Oh, bro me.

Robin: [on the phone] Hey, sorry about that. Thanks for holding. Um, so if you could go ahead and cancel my subscription to Guns and Ammo, that would be great. No, it's a great magazine. Really great. They've printed three of my letters. It's just that my boyfriend is moving in and he kind of doesn't approve of the whole gun thing. A free hand grenade phone? You know what? Let me give you my work address.

Barney: You haven't moved in yet, have you? Good. You guys have to take this quiz. I found it in a magazine. It's called the "Are You Ready to Move in Together?" quiz.
Robin: Well, if it's anything like you're "Are You Wearing Panties" quiz, I'm out.
Barney: Question one, Ted, "Do you want to move in with Robin?"
Ted: Mm. Yes.
Barney: Oh, you got the first one wrong. The answer is "No," you secretly want to be single and hang out with your awesome friend Barney." Question two. Robin, "Do you think you can score a hotter guy than Ted?" Correct. The answer was awkward silence. Question three, "Did I just make up this quiz to prove a point?" Yes. Yes, I did.
Robin: Really? You mean it's not from Old Yellow Legal Pad Magazine?