Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Barney: Jesus.
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.

Barney: So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancée. He should be down here celebrating. He's free. He got that red-head-tumor removed.
Ted: You should write and illustrate children's books.
Barney: You know what Marshall needs to do? He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Ted: [v.o.] The next few hours of our drive were classic road trip.
[The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" plays repeatedly:]
Ted: So... this song.
Marshall: Oh, it's the best song in the world. It's the only song I like. Just kidding. Tape's been stuck in the player for, like, two years. Better than nothing, though.
Ted: Maybe.
[Ted and Marshall enthusiastically singing the "ta-da-da-ta" part of the song]
Ted: I am so... sick... of this song.
Marshall: Don't worry. It comes around again.
Ted: What do you mean?
Ted and Marshall singing: [singing] Just to be the man who walks 1,000 miles And falls down at your door...

[Ted and Marshall are in his Fiero as The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" plays:]
Ted: This is awesome.
Marshall: I can't believe this moment's finally here. One more mile and my little boy turns 200,000.
Ted: Your baby Fiero's grown into a really old man Fiero. And just like an old man, he leaks fluid, smells stale, makes weird noises out the back.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, sometimes life forces us to be someone we didn't want to be. When that happens, we often try to hold on to a little piece of who we were. Maybe a tattoo. Or a piece of jewelry. A tiny souvenir that reminds us, "This is who I really am." Marshall's souvenir was not so tiny, but the more he found himself being pushed toward the corporate world and away from his dream of saving the environment, the tighter he held on to that Fiero.