Future Ted: [v.o.] Yeah, Barney and James together was a lethal combination. Since there was never any crossover in targets, James was always there for Barney with the assist.
[flashback to James and Barney at MacLaren's]:
James: [to a woman] Whoa. Your scarf... it is fierce!
Woman: Thanks. H&M.
James: What? I would never know, 'cause it is so hot that my eyes are melting. Oh, I can't see. Hey! You know, speaking of things that would look good wrapped around you, have you met my straight brother, Barney? Oh, he is fab...don't you go nowhere...ulous. Okay?

Barney: Exactly! Ted, let's wrap. Statistic: at every New York party there's always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see... where I'm going... hu-with this?
Ted: Barney, I don't wanna say.
Barney: Argh! Scoping, beep, scoping, beep!
Lily: Man you're a dork.
Barney: Beep, beep, beep, beep. Target acquired! And now it's time we play a little game I like to call "Have You Met Ted?"
Ted: No, come on not this.
Barney: [taps woman] Hi! Have you met Ted?

Marshall: And the pizza there. Worst pizza ever! I'm so glad to be back in New York.
Marshall: Yeah.
Lily: Listen, if there is anything I can do to even begin to make things up to you.
Marshall: Actually, there's maybe something you can do for me. But you can never ever ask me why.
[cut to MacLaren's, where Barney is still with the twins:]
Barney: So then, I was promoted to assistant ménage-er. Manager. Why do I keep doing that? [Lily arrives] Lily?
Lily: You gave me chlamydia, you jerk! [throws a drink at Barney]
Barney: So, where was I? Ah yes. Assistant ménage-er. I did it again. I can't believe it!
[Lily returns wearing a hat]
Lily: You gave my twin sister chlamydia, you slime! [throws another drink]
Barney: Wait, wait, I know magic. Well played, Eriksen. Well played.

Barney: Dude, you were awesome last night. You were charming, you were funny. You were totally working that girl.
Marshall: You went home with her!
Barney: Yes, I did. But she told me that if it wasn't for me, you would've had a shot with her. So in hypothetical terms, you scored last night! All right! Hypothetical high five! ... Nice!

Barney: Marshall, being a single guy in New York city is like... Pfff... What's something everybody likes?
Marshall: Candy.
Barney: Yeah! It's like being in a candy store. You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers. Yeah. Is Whoppers the best ones?
Ted: Mounds.
Barney: Milk Duds.
Ted: Gobstoppers.
Barney: Um...
Future Ted: [v.o.] This went on for another hour. I'll just skip to the end.
Ted: Dubble Bubbles.
Barney: Nice!