Future Ted Quote #46

Quote from Future Ted in Where Were We?

Future Ted: [v.o.] OK, where were we? It was June 2006 and life had just taken an unexpected turn.
Daughter: Can't you just skip ahead to the part where you meet Mom? I feel you've been talking for, like, a year
Future Ted: Honey, all this stuff I'm telling you is important. It's all part of the story.
Son: Can I go to the bathroom?
Future Ted: No. The summer of 2006 was both wonderful and awful. For me, it started out great. In fact, day one was amazing. I'd finally gotten together with Robin. But while I'd been off having one of the best nights of my life, your Uncle Marshall had been having one of the worst nights of his.

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 ‘Where Were We?’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Barney: So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancée. He should be down here celebrating. He's free. He got that red-head-tumor removed.
Ted: You should write and illustrate children's books.
Barney: You know what Marshall needs to do? He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Quote from Barney

Barney: I didn't get your message until I woke up. Bro, I am so sorry.
Marshall: Thanks.
Barney: I know it must be tough. But are you ready to hear something that will not only make you feel better, but will actively excite you?
Marshall: Sure.
Barney: For the first time ever, the three of us are single at the same time. I've dreamed about this day, boys, and it's going to be legendary! Together, we will own this city. Any time, a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriend, we'll be there. Anytime a girl wants to solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge-drinking, we will be there. Anytime a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting "What's up New York?", we will be what is up New York! Gentlemen, we are about to embark on... [Barney looks at Robin, then Ted] Oh man, you guys did it, didn't you?!

 Future Ted Quotes

Quote from Murtaugh

Ted: Yeah, whatever. I'm adding laser tag to the Murtaugh List.
Barney: Jeez, not the Murtaugh List.
Robin: What's the Murtaugh List?
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Murtaugh List is something that came into being around the time I turned 30. It all started with your Uncle Marshall's beer bong. When we were in our early 20s, every time we had a party, that beer bong came out. And around the time we turned 30, same thing. Of course, in our early 20s, the next day would go like this.
[flashback to Ted and Marshall playing around in their underwear]
Future Ted: But by the time we were 30, the next day would go like this.
[Ted on the couch with a sick bucket]
Future Ted: Then one day, in the throes of the worst hangover of my life, I realized there was only one person in the world that I could relate to: Detective Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover in the '80s noir masterpiece Lethal Weapon, known for his oft-quoted catchphrase:
Murtaugh: I'm too old for this...
Future Ted: "Stuff." He said, "I'm too old for this stuff."

Quote from The End of the Aisle

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I won't lie, that was a long weekend. More ups and downs than I can count. It was a twisting, turning road that led to the end of the aisle, and not everything along the way was perfect. To be honest, not everything to follow would be perfect either. But what is? Here's the secret, kids: none of us can vow to be perfect. In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got. Because love's the best thing we do. And on that lovely spring evening, that's exactly what Barney and Robin vowed to each other. And it was legendary.