Robin: Okay. Bye. [hangs up] I thought it was mine, so I answered it.
Ted: Was it...?
Robin: It was your girlfriend. You might want to call her back. [tosses Ted his phone; goes to the bedroom]
Future Ted: [v.o.] I called Victoria from the cab and we broke up. Yes... And there you have it, kids. The stupidest thing I've ever done. In one night, I managed to hurt two people I cared about. And none of it would've happened if I just listened to my mom. So I guess if there's a lesson to be learned here, it's this: when it's 2:00 a.m., just go to sleep.

Lily: Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m.
Barney: You know, I have found, in my travels, that all the best things in life happen after 2:00 a.m. When I look back at the best stories of my life: the Liberty Bell incident, the little scrape I got in at the Russian Embassy, the almost four-way.
Marshall: You never had a four-way.
Barney: I said "almost." All those things happened after 2:00 a.m. because after 2:00 a.m. is when things get - audience, say it with me - legendary.

Robin: And so the life of a television reporter is very rewarding, and I strongly urge you to consider it as a career. Thank you. Yeah?
Girl: Do you have a fiancé?
Lily: Marshall was here yesterday. They just learned the word "fiancé."
Robin: Oh, no, I don't have a fiancé.
Girl: Then who do you live with?
Robin: Well, actually, I've got five dogs.
Girl: Don't you get lonely?
Robin: No, I've got five dogs.
Girl: My grandma has five cats and she gets lonely.
Robin: Well, yeah, that's cats. I'm not some pathetic cat lady. Not that your grandmother is a...
Robin: Does anyone else have a...? Yes?
Boy: Are you a lesbian?
Robin: No, are you?