Barney Quote #75
Barney: Katie's here. Okay, real quick, last night, epiphany! I realized what the world of dating needs. Ready? A lemon law.
Robin: A lemon law, like for cars.
Barney: Exactly. From the moment the date begins you have five minutes to decide whether you're going to commit to an entire evening. And if you don't, it's no hard feelings just "Good night, thanks for playing, see you never." Huh? Huh? The Lemon Law. It's gonna be a thing. Possibly starting right now.
Quote from Barney
Barney: So, anyway, I was on date with this girl, Jackie.
[flashback to MacLaren's:]
Barney: Wow, Jackie, you make a really great first impression. I have a feeling that tonight you might end up being Jackie... Oh!
Jackie: Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to lemon law you.
Barney: It's out there, it's a thing. The lemon law is a thing. Damn, I should have called it Barney's law.
Quote from Lily
Ted: Chinese restaurant, I still don't believe it.
Lily: I told you. Okay, a toast. Life is full of changes. One day you have an apartment, the next day it's a house of dumplings. But the important stuff doesn't change. To the important stuff.
Barney: And to the lemon law. Self-clink.
Lily: And by the way, I bought these glasses. I bought them at Ikea. These are my glasses.
Marshall: I love this song. I haven't heard this in forever.
Lily: I'm pretty sure this is a mixed tape you made me in sophomore year.
Robin: Lily, your apartment makes the best Shanghai dumplings.
Marshall: [on tape] I love you, Lily. Happy Valentine's Day 1998.
Quote from How I Met Everyone Else
Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.
Quote from The Three Days Rule
Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.