Lily Quote #750
Lily: No more pausing. We're getting through this argument.
Marshall: Okay. But no pot shots at my mom.
Lily: Fine. No distracting me with your calves.
Marshall: Fine. I love you, Lilypad.
Lily: I love you, Marshmallow. Now... How could you take that job without telling me?
Marshall: Baby, I'm sorry, but they needed an answer right away. This is a huge opportunity. It could be good
for our family and we have to at least talk about it.
Lily: Sorry, you lost your chance to talk about it when you didn't talk about it. We're going to Italy.
Marshall: But I could be a judge. We can't give that up for what is clearly just a hobby. Pause.
Lily: No pause. That hobby is my dream. We're going to Italy.
Marshall: Well, it's my dream to...
Lily: We are going to Italy.
Marshall: Baby, can you just...
Lily: We are going to Italy. Don't you get it? You went behind my back. You hurt me. You were more selfish than I have ever been to you.
Marshall: You broke up with me and moved to San Francisco.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Unpause’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] And so we did it. We asked Barney all the questions we'd always wanted to.
[montage:]
Barney: In one night? Four.
Barney: In one family? Three.
Barney: Yes, but not while she was Secretary of State.
Barney: Yes, but not while she was Secretary of State.
Barney: Just once. With a French male model, Henri. It was late, we were the last two people in the club. I was Ionely and I figured, why not try it? That was the only time I ever split a cab.
Barney: Yes, but not the MIT you're thinking of: The Magicians Institute of Teaneck.
Barney: I've had sex in Ted's bed 14 times.
Ted: I asked if you wear shoulder pads. I think I've just got one question left, and it's a biggie. Barney Stinson, what do you do for a living?
Quote from Barney
Ted: Tell us more about this job.
Barney: Well, as you know, back in my hippie days, a man came into my coffee shop, told me money was all that mattered and stole my girlfriend. That's when I decided to become awesome. But I had no idea how to break into the corporate world. So, hoping he wouldn't recognize me, I went to the person from whom I knew I could learn everything.
[flashback:]
Greg: Do we know each other, bro?
Barney: We're all connected in Gaia's tapestry of... [clears throat] No. We don't. Bro.
Greg: Wow, you went to MIT. Pretty impressive.
Barney: I did get a perfect score on the ACTs.
[present:]
Barney: Advanced card tricks.
Quote from Barney
[flashback:]
Greg: Look, buddy, you got a sweet resume, but we don't have openings you're qualified...
Man: They set me up! It was a trap! It's a trap!
Greg: We have one opening you'd be perfect for.
Barney: Great. What do I do?
Greg: Please.
[later, Greg and Barney stand by a whiteboard:]
Greg: "Provide legal exculpation and sign everything." Just show up every day, scribble your name on a bunch of documents, and we'll pay you 16 craploads a year. The deets are in the contract. I'll give you time to think about it.
[17 seconds later:]
Barney: I'll take it.
Greg: Hold on. Did you even read this before signing it?
Barney: No.
Greg: You're hired.