Barney Quote #2037
Quote from Barney in Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmara
Marshall: A slap in the face. Ah, yes, Barney, there's something I need to tell you about the next slap that you're going to receive. You see, I want this slap to be as painful as humanly possible.
All: Sure.
Barney: Okay, okay. Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there. Yes, you won a slap bet with me seven years ago. And yes, over the years you got in some great slaps...
Marshall: Some great slaps.
Barney: But here's the problem. You've tormented me so much that I am now immune to it. It's as if my face, my psyche, my soul were covered in that numbing cream, we all put on our deal so that we can go all night, right, fellas? Okay, we'll all just pretend like we've never done that. Just like we've all never sat on our left hand until it fell asleep and then used it for an away-gamer. Okay, we'll all pretend like we've never done that, just like we've all never taken two live jumper cables...
Ted: Please, stop.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmara’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] Oh, sorry, kids. I forgot to mention there's a bit of a back-story to this particular slap.
[flashback a few weeks earlier:]
Marshall: Oh, man. At least it landed on the mustard stain.
Barney: Don't bother. That suit is a stain. A stain on the very institution of suits. You know what tie goes with that suit? The tie at the top of a Hefty bag. A suit like that only needs one button, self-destruct.
Lily: Hey, I bought him that suit.
Barney: Where, Barfs Brothers? Men's Outhouse? Georgio Arms-Are-Not-The-Same-Lengthy? That suit is a slap in the face to all suits everywhere.
Quote from Marshall
Barney: Cleveland?
Marshall: Cleveland.
Barney: Why Cleveland?
Marshall: It's the city equivalent of being slapped in the face.
Ted: Bro.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Barney, I'm well aware that you've developed a resistance to all of my old tricks, which is why I sought out special training.
[flashback to Marshall going to a kung fu class]
Marshall: Hi. Hey, I'm sure you get this question all the time, but is there a special class where I just learn slapping?
Teacher: We teach kung fu here.
Marshall: Right. See, the thing is I don't need to learn anything about kicking, you know, because, uh... So yeah, I'm good there. What I really need to learn is slapping. I need someone to teach me how to slap my friend just, like, really hard... right in his stupid face. Can you teach me that?
Teacher: Kung fu is an ancient and honorable martial art. It must be learned with great devotion and respect.
Marshall: So where are we on this slapping thing? Yes, no, maybe...?
Teacher: Get out.
Boy: Psst. I know what you seek. You seek to learn the slap of a thousand exploding suns.
Marshall: Yes, that's totally a thing I've heard of. Can you teach me?
Boy: No, but I know who can.
Marshall: Can you take me to this great master? I have much gold.
Boy: It is not one great master you seek, but three. They will teach you the three mighty virtues of slapistry. Speed. Strength. And accuracy. Put these three virtues together, and only then will you have mastered
the slap of a million exploding suns.