Barney Quote #1963
Barney: [answers phone] Hey.
Marshall: I need you to get to Lily's phone without her seeing and delete the last text she got.
Barney: Why? What did you...?
Marshall: And I need you to do it, no questions asked. As you'll recall, you owe me a "no questions asked."
Marshall: [answers phone] Hello.
Barney: Marshall, I need you to rush to the Macy's in Herald Square. Find the utility closet on the third floor and bring me the following things: A clean pair of underwear, a clean pair of pants, a box of moist towelettes, hand sanitizer, and a garbage bag. No questions asked.
Marshall: You deuced your pants.
Barney: Never mind.
Barney: Ha! You didn't wind up helping me, so it doesn't count. Face.
Marshall: Yes, I'm the one who should be embarrassed by that story.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Hey, good news. We're all set for the dove release.
Barney: When we leave the church, they're gonna release 100 doves. It's going to be avi-wait-for-it-ary. Aviary.
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] Marshall had recently discovered that the Farhampton Inn was featured in an episode of The Ghost Network's original series True and Real Ghost Stories of the Supernatural.
Marshall: There, see? The Farhampton Inn. I told you it sounded familiar.
Narrator: In 1843, the streets of Farhampton, Long Island, were stalked by a vicious killer named Captain Blazeby Dearduff. Dubbed Dearduff the Hooker, he murdered dozens of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook. Ironically, that hook would prove Dearduff's own undoing one wintry night in Room 13 of the Farhampton Inn. He was found the next morning frozen to death.
Narrator: Some say you can still hear Captain Dearduff's cries coming from Room 13.
Captain Dearduff: Cold. So cold. Help me. Help me.
Man: We can see you, Ron.
Narrator: Some say you can still hear the thump of his peg and the scrape of his hook. Others say Dearduff the Hooker was just a popular male prostitute who murdered no one and died of syphilis in 1848. Let's hear from some people who have actually survived a night in Room 13.
Carrie Friedman: Did I see a ghost? [distorted] Of course. Yes. There are such things as ghosts.
Quote from How I Met Everyone Else
Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.
Quote from The Three Days Rule
Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.