Lily Quote #725
Lily: [on the phone] Plus, it's a crappy room, but when I tried to complain...
Lily: The thermostat in my room is broken, the AC won't turn off.
Hamish: Ooh. Sounds like the work of Captain Dearduff. He brings with him the icy chill of death. So bad luck there. Night-night.
Lily: It sounds like you're using Captain Dearduff as an excuse for a crappy room.
Hamish: I beg your pardon. I did not get to be a 40-year-old night clerk by making excuses. Now, if there's anything wrong that isn't ghost-related, I'm happy to address it.
Lily: Okay, the Wi-Fi doesn't work.
Hamish: Ghosts interfere with electronic devices.
Lily: The shower's leaking.
Hamish: Dearduff likes the sound of dripping, reminds him of his bleeding victims.
Lily: And the door won't lock.
Hamish: Captain Dearduff doesn't want to, you know, be locked out of his room.
Lily: Why would a locked door keep a ghost out? Can't they walk through walls?
Hamish: Maybe he's afraid of rats.
Lily: There are rats in the walls?
Quote from Barney
Barney: Hey, good news. We're all set for the dove release.
Barney: When we leave the church, they're gonna release 100 doves. It's going to be avi-wait-for-it-ary. Aviary.
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] Marshall had recently discovered that the Farhampton Inn was featured in an episode of The Ghost Network's original series True and Real Ghost Stories of the Supernatural.
Marshall: There, see? The Farhampton Inn. I told you it sounded familiar.
Narrator: In 1843, the streets of Farhampton, Long Island, were stalked by a vicious killer named Captain Blazeby Dearduff. Dubbed Dearduff the Hooker, he murdered dozens of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook. Ironically, that hook would prove Dearduff's own undoing one wintry night in Room 13 of the Farhampton Inn. He was found the next morning frozen to death.
Narrator: Some say you can still hear Captain Dearduff's cries coming from Room 13.
Captain Dearduff: Cold. So cold. Help me. Help me.
Man: We can see you, Ron.
Narrator: Some say you can still hear the thump of his peg and the scrape of his hook. Others say Dearduff the Hooker was just a popular male prostitute who murdered no one and died of syphilis in 1848. Let's hear from some people who have actually survived a night in Room 13.
Carrie Friedman: Did I see a ghost? [distorted] Of course. Yes. There are such things as ghosts.
Quote from Unfinished
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: Excuse me?
Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: There's no poop.
Lily: Where's the poop?
Quote from The Ashtray
Lily: Hey, you know the rules. You misbehave, I take away one of your toys. Aldrin Justice, baby.
Marshall: So you're telling me that that ashtray that's been in our apartment for over a year and a half is not only stolen, but also very expensive.
Lily: Both of those things, yes.