Loretta Quote #11

Quote from Loretta in The Bro Mitzvah

Barney: [answers phone] Hey, Robin.
Robin: Hey, sweetie, having fun at your bachelor party?
Barney: No.
Robin: Good, 'cause my night's been hell!
[flashback:]
Loretta: And that's the inverted chimney sweep, the last of the 17 basic sexual positions. Now, bondage...
Robin: Stop! I'm not a virgin! My napkin ring has seen plenty of breadsticks. And one baguette. I dated a center for the Knicks.
Loretta: Oh, thank God you're not a prude. Now we can really talk. Four cosmos, pronto!
[present:]
Robin: [on the phone] Now she's drunk, holding up a napkin ring and three breadsticks, and talking about her night with Crosby, Stills and Nash.
Loretta: [o.s.] Waiter, can I have another breadstick?
Robin: And Young. Please come back.

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 ‘The Bro Mitzvah’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Another guest? Who could this be? Why, it's Lily! And she's here to deliver one of your requests!
Barney: Oh, thank you, Marshall.
Lily: Oh, not that one.
[flashback to ten months earlier:]
Barney: An appearance by my all-time idol, the Karate Kid!
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Karate Kid was an uplifting '80s classic about a teen, played by Ralph Macchio, who defeats the local jerk, played by William Zabka. At least, that's how most people saw it.
Lily: Here he is, just as hot as when his Tiger Beat photo spread gave a young girl the courage to explore the suddenly unfamiliar topography of her changing body... the Karate Kid!
Ralph Macchio: Hey, Barney. It's Ralph. Listen, it's always flattering...
Barney: No! I hate Ralph Macchio! I hate him, hate him, hate him! He is not the Karate Kid! The Karate Kid was William Zabka, star pupil of the Cobra Kai Dojo, who this monster defeated with a cheap, illegal head-kick in the most tragically haunting film ending of all time.
Ralph Macchio: Oh, see, I thought you meant fun-crazy.
Barney: Shut it, Ralph Macchio. Why don't you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!

Quote from Barney

Ted: But don't worry. Back when you were engaged to Quinn, you told us everything you wanted for tonight.
[flashback to ten months earlier:]
Barney: A bachelor party is a man's... bro mitzvah!
Quinn: Did you just think of that?
Barney: Totally! We can wear... bro-mulkes, spin the bro-del... and consult the wisdom of the Bro-rah. Written in... He-bro.
Ted: Not at all bro-ffensive.
Barney: Ooh, ooh! Couple other ideas, and I'm just spit balling here... so take 'em or leave 'em. Booze, duh, cigars, duh, strippers, duh... Ooh! Things should get so crazy that at some point we should fear for our lives.

 Loretta Stinson Quotes

Quote from Cleaning House

Loretta: Okay, everyone, lunch is ready. Who wants sloppy joes?
James: Mom, who's Sam Gibbs?
Loretta: [squeals] That doesn't sound familiar. Who wants sloppy joes?
James: There's a picture of me and Barney in an envelope addressed to him. And you wrote "Your son" on the back.
Loretta: Oh, no, that... It says "Yourson." For Yourson, North Dakota. That's where we took the picture. Lovely town. We went kayaking, and you two rescued the mayor's dog, which had wandered into the rapids. Then Mayor Sam Gibbs asked for your pictures so the city could make statues of you both. I guess I never sent it. That's embarrassing. Now, how about those sloppy joes?
James: If this picture was taken in North Dakota, then why is our old swing set in the background?
Loretta: [shouts] I don't know! I did my best as a single parent and it wasn't always easy. And I'd recommend putting the coleslaw right on top of the sloppy joe. Because it's delicious. That's why!

Quote from Single Stamina

[Flashback to 1982, where young Barney and James are watching TV:]
Future Ted: [v.o.] The truth is, Barney and James got a lot of different explanations from their mom over the years.
Loretta: Well, boys, you look different because when I was pregnant with you, I only ate vanilla ice cream. And when I was pregnant with you, can you guess what kind of ice cream I ate?
James: Coffee?
Loretta: No, James, I ate chocolate ice cream. But I did drink tons of coffee when I was pregnant with both of you. Can't smoke without my coffee.
[flashback to 1984:]
Loretta: I don't know, boys, I guess it's just one of those things.
[flashback to 1986:]
Loretta: Stop asking me! You know what you two are? You're little racists!