Marshall Quote #1004
Quote from Marshall in Splitsville
[As Robin and Nick talk at a restaurant, she is on speakerphone with the gang back at the apartment:]
Robin: Hey, Nick. I'm sorry about that. Um, listen. There's something I need to talk to you about.
Nick: No, Robin, I'm sorry. I'm, like, half here. That phone call, it just... I got some really bad news. My doctor did an M.R. I. And...
Robin: Oh. Oh, God. What... What is it?
Nick: My groin injury is worse than they thought. I can't play basketball for weeks.
Ted: Oh, thank God. I thought he was dying or something.
Marshall: How many weeks? How many weeks? Please tell me it's not a tear in the iliolumbar ligament.
Nick: It's a tear in the libial flumflar liniment.
Marshall: If it's a small tear, he can still make play-offs.
Nick: It's a big tear.
Marshall: He better not be out for the season.
Nick: I'm out for the season.
Marshall: Damn it!
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Splitsville’ Quotes
Quote from Ted
Ted: Wow. Crazy, right?
Lily: Yeah. You know what'd be really crazy? If all of 'em got it on. Barney, Robin, Nick and those two women. And you just know Nadia's watching in the corner with her pet snake.
Ted: Okay, why aren't you two having sex?
Lily: What?
Marshall: Excuse me?
Ted: Lily has been slobbering over Robin's sex life like a cartoon hobo watching a pie cool on a windowsill. And you, the only other time you've ever exercised this seriously was when Lily had mono freshman year and I caught you doing one-armed push-ups with your genitals over a bowl of ice. So when did you stop doing it and why?
Quote from Marshall
Robin: Nick and I haven't had sex in three days. And it's your fault. Nick won't have sex because he pulled his groin muscle all 'cause you made him join your stupid basketball team.
Marshall: Did you say "stupid basketball team"?
Robin: Yeah.
Marshall: Oh, my gosh. Guys, we have to rush Robin to the hospital because, somehow, she swallowed her vocal cords and they got lodged in her rectum, because she's talking out of her ass.
Quote from Ted
Marshall: If Joel can use ringers, then so can we. And Nick is our best player, so as far as I'm concerned, you can both keep your groins on ice.
Ted: Groins on Ice. Least popular Madison Square Garden holiday show ever.