Ted Quote #1177
Quote from Ted in Splitsville
Ted: Look, buddy, I'm also the captain of a team in the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 Who Work In Midtown League. I'm addicted to the adrenaline too. Still, don't you think you're getting a little obsessive about...
Robin: Uh, hold up. Hold up. Are you suggesting that you are a member of a sports team and you're the captain?
Ted: So says the "C" I personally sewed onto my jersey. Uh, after Victoria and I broke up, I had some free time. So called up a few architect friends and put together a little team called the T-Squares.
[flashback to Ted with three decidedly unathletic basketball players in a gym:]
Ted: See that? The floor's uneven.
Giles: And that window placement is rubbish.
Joel: You know, if a genie gave me one wish, I would knock down that wall and create a nice flow.
Ted: Great wish. There's too much hard wood, right?
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Splitsville’ Quotes
Quote from Ted
Ted: Wow. Crazy, right?
Lily: Yeah. You know what'd be really crazy? If all of 'em got it on. Barney, Robin, Nick and those two women. And you just know Nadia's watching in the corner with her pet snake.
Ted: Okay, why aren't you two having sex?
Lily: What?
Marshall: Excuse me?
Ted: Lily has been slobbering over Robin's sex life like a cartoon hobo watching a pie cool on a windowsill. And you, the only other time you've ever exercised this seriously was when Lily had mono freshman year and I caught you doing one-armed push-ups with your genitals over a bowl of ice. So when did you stop doing it and why?
Quote from Marshall
Robin: Nick and I haven't had sex in three days. And it's your fault. Nick won't have sex because he pulled his groin muscle all 'cause you made him join your stupid basketball team.
Marshall: Did you say "stupid basketball team"?
Robin: Yeah.
Marshall: Oh, my gosh. Guys, we have to rush Robin to the hospital because, somehow, she swallowed her vocal cords and they got lodged in her rectum, because she's talking out of her ass.
Quote from Ted
Marshall: If Joel can use ringers, then so can we. And Nick is our best player, so as far as I'm concerned, you can both keep your groins on ice.
Ted: Groins on Ice. Least popular Madison Square Garden holiday show ever.