Barney Quote #1660
Quote from Barney in Now We're Even
Ted: We are totally even.
Barney: We absolutely are not even, and here's why. I'll grant you that if you include the 12 points for designing the skyscraper, the 83 points for slapping five with Tommy Lee and the 9,000 points for banging Robin before me, our point totals would be about neck and neck, but there's one thing you're forgetting.
Ted: The fact that I don't care?
Barney: No. And you just lost five points for sass. Do you remember a conversation we had about three years ago?
[flashback:]
Ted: Barney, you're the king. Nobody picks up chicks like you. You're handsome, debonair, everything I wish I could be.
[present:]
Ted: I'm starting to think this never happened.
Barney: Let you finish.
[flashback:]
Ted: You're smooth, charismatic, "sauve."
[present:]
Ted: I think you mean "suave."
Barney: Aha. So you do remember.
[flashback:]
Ted: But there's one thing even a master ladies' man like you could never do, and if you could ever do it, it would be worth 500 points.
Barney: You have my attention, my slightly shorter friend.
Ted: Here's the challenge. Get a girl's phone number while you're wearing a dress.
Barney: Challenge...
[present:]
Barney: Accomplished. That's right. Last year, I slapped on a dress, took a few laps around this very bar, and I got this: The phone number of one Stephanie McColgan. Later that night, I took off my pantyhose, and gave her panties... my hose. That's right, Ted. I am 500 points ahead. Until you can get a girl's digits while wearing a dress, you and I will never be even.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Now We're Even’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Marshall: [flipping a color chart] Not the rose quartz of the slightly embarrassed, or the tomato red of the mildly abashed, vermilion, the color of carnal shame. Can only mean one thing: Lily dream-banged someone we know.
Barney: Okay, you caught me vermilion-handed. The truth is, I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.
Marshall: That movie only came out two years ago.
Barney: What movie?
Quote from Ranjit
Marshall: I had no idea that food could be this delicious.
Ranjit: Marshall, you are being crazy.
Marshall: No, no, I can handle it. If I sell my laptop, we can get seconds on those squash blossoms.
Ranjit: I mean about Lily.
Marshall: Well, you know, she's being crazy, too.
Ranjit: She's pregnant. She gets to be crazy. You have to be the sane one.
Marshall: So what, I don't get to be crazy again until the baby comes?
Ranjit: No. Then it's baby's turn to be crazy.
Marshall: When do I get to be crazy again?
Ranjit: Never. [laughs]
Quote from Ted
Marshall: So, how's living alone?
Ted: You know, it's interesting. When I first moved into my new apartment, I was nervous. For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate. But then it hit me, for the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate! If I want to walk around naked, nobody cares. If I want to leave the laundry basket in the middle of the living room, nobody stops me. If I bring home soup from the deli and leave it in the fridge for two days, nobody eats it. And if I do something colossally stupid, nobody ever has to know. People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing. But the truth is... that guy's a genius. Because let's be honest, sitting around watching TV, drinking beer and eating ribs alone is what every red-blooded American would rather be doing at all times.
Marshall: Yeah, but wouldn't it be better to have someone to share the... I mean, don't you get lonely without... Yeah, that sounds pretty great.