Barney Quote #1629
Quote from Barney in The Broath
Barney: I don't understand. Wh... Wait a sec. Ted Evelyn Mosby, you broke The Broath.
Ted: Howdare you?! A Broath is the most sacred bond between... Okay, yeah, I did.
Barney: Are you aware that breaking a Broath can have deadly, even fatal repercussions? Have you studied history, Ted?
Ted: Extensively. But I'm a little shaky on fake history, so...
Barney: The tragic cost of a broken Broath dates back to Ancient Bro-man times...
[historical flashback:]
Barney: Hey, Bro-tus, you'd tell me if, like, a bunch of dudes were conspiring to assassinate me, right?
Ted: Um, totally, Caesar. Paranoid much?
Barney: Just to be sure, can you swear a Broath to me?
Ted: Sure. I swear.
Barney: Thanks. You've always got my back.
[A team of ninjas arrive and attempt to kill Ceasar, but he manages to overpower them]
Barney: Et tu, Bro-te? [throws a ninja star]
[present:]
Barney: And then he banged, like, a hundred chicks and invented a salad. True story.
Features in the collection: Barney Stinson: True Story.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Barney Stinson: True Story’
Quote from Barney in The Three Days Rule
Ted: Barney, the three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Barney: Jesus.
Marshall: Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing. He waited 3 days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday". And then they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude". And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days... Three.
Ted: OK, I promise, I'll wait three days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, "Oh, no, Jesus is dead". Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.
Quote from Barney in Where Were We?
Barney: So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancée. He should be down here celebrating. He's free. He got that red-head-tumor removed.
Ted: You should write and illustrate children's books.
Barney: You know what Marshall needs to do? He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.
‘The Broath’ Quotes
Quote from Marshall
Lily: Quinn totally duped Barney, and he couldn't even see it.
Ted: Well, apparently, the sex is mind-blowing.
Marshall: Ha, I've been there. Yeah. I was once with this chick who answered the door wearing nothing but, uh, whipped cream, a dog collar and a hot pink thong.
Lily: Marshall, you can't tell sex stories about "this chick," because everyone knows it's me. I'm the only woman
you've ever been with.
Marshall: It's not fair, the guys are always telling their sex stories and I can top every one of them. Baby, you're like 20 slutty chicks all rolled into one.
Lily: Sweet talk is not going to change my mind.
Quote from Robin
Future Ted: [v.o.] And Robin was staying with her coworker, Patrice.
Patrice: You seem so down today, Robin. I made you cookies.
Robin: Damn it, Patrice, stop smothering me!
Quote from Robin
Lily: I can't believe you two. What do you care about more, protecting your friend from getting hurt or scoring this girl's apartment?
Ted: There's a working fireplace!
Robin: Patrice is ironing my pants all wrong!